So, my fiance and I have for quite awhile come to terms with us being poly, primarily myself but she is cool with it.
Thing is, we've been together for 13 years now, are getting married soon, and while we have agreed that if we ever met someone we clicked with, we also have come to terms with the fact it feels like that won't actually ever happen.
We're both very introverted and keep to ourselves. We aren't actually party goers, and the wildest nights we have are the extremely rare night where we host a board game night with like, maybe 4 friends. And that's a "rager" for us, comparatively.
We've looked into some dating apps but the results are... abysmal. Non starter really.
And since we are both so far along in our life together, it feels more and more like it would be impossible to "Fairly" include another person anyways. They'd forever be "second" in that me and my fiance have thirteen (and counting) years of history, whereas the new person would be starting completely fresh. That doesn't seem like it could ever work anyways, no matter how hard we tried right?
We've talked at length about this and agreed that it just doesn't seem like it could even work, despite us wanting it to, and that we're sorta just gonna have to be cool with being monogamous poly, which is weird but I dunno how else to describe it.
The only situation I've considered that would work is if it was another couple that both of us click with both of them, and everyone vibes with each other in every direction, which then means at least everyone has someone else they have history with, and someone else that is new, which feels more like now everyone is on "equal" footing if you will, removing that feeling of imbalance.
But then of course we have to confront the fact that the odds of two people finding two other people and everyone vibing with everyone else is... well incredibly low. And when I say vibing I'm talking "we want to have a close committed intimate and romantic relationship" level.
So, I guess I wanted to send out some feelers on if any other folks are in this sort of state, how are you navigating it, how do you feel about it, lets talk about this sort of state.
Something to noodle on:
Is it morally wrong to try and initiate a poly relationship with a third person, when the other 2 people have a "fallback" of each other, such that the third person forever will be subjected to the 2v1 power imbalance, that if things broke down the 2 would quick the third out, forever putting them at a disadvantage?
Cuz, personally, I feel like I can't morally subject someone to that myself, I'd forever feel "off" about putting another person (no matter how willing) into that position, it feels... wrong.
Yeah, and it moreso moves a lot of your work over to other important stuff.
Namely, planning things better, reading, documenting, and coming up with more specific scenarios to test.
Before, because Id spend an extra chunk of my time on that 90%, maybe my documenting would be mid at best, stuff would slip through, my pile of "I prolly should get around to documenting that stuff" keeps growing and growing.
And then while maybe I can vaguely think "yeah I bet theres edge cases for this stuff I didnt make tests for", its followed by "But I dont got time for that shit, I have to have this done by end of day"
Meanwhile with LLMs, I can set it off to cook on that 90% chunk of work, and while it's cooking I can chat with another LLM instance and back-and-forth iterate on "what are some possible gotchas in this logic, what are edge case scenarios to test?" and by the time the agent finished coding, I have like 20 edge case test to copy paste over to it "Hey, make tests for all these cases, make sure those all work as expected "
It shifts my focus over from just monkey work to stuff that matters more, finding and poking holes in the code, trying to break it, making sure it withstands stress and edge cases, and finding possible gaps and flaws in it.
When you focus like that, you definitely become way more productive.
As opposed to people who just give up and, yeah as you said, just are lazy, they hand off the work to the LLM but arent making up for that by redirecting the energy to other places of value, they're gonna go, I dunno, run a raid in WoW or something fuck knows.