I wish that I had Chesse's girl

I read PenisDuckCuck9001's comment, and who can really argue with what PenisDuckCuck9001 is saying?

“It takes more than that to kill a bull moose,” the wounded candidate assured them. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bullet-riddled, 50-page speech. Holding up his prepared remarks, which had two big holes blown through each page, Roosevelt continued. “Fortunately I had my manuscript, so you see I was going to make a long speech, and there is a bullet—there is where the bullet went through—and it probably saved me from it going into my heart. The bullet is in me now, so I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.”

It's Never Cloudy in Philadelphia.

To collect the space dust, we need a Dyson vacuum.

When did this happen???

I just read the "Christmas Message" from our CEO, I will paraphrase, "thanks God for sending your son Jesus to save us!" Wish I could quit.

Also you said tit Ook OOk OOK HOOHOO HAHOO!

Lifetime confirmed bachelorettes.

Me so glad they tried!

"I only use the n-word when the black person I'm saying it to deserves it. "

-you, probably

I remember back in twenty-dickety-two when the Nazis took my circle-made-with-forefinger-and-thumb hand sign. They tried to take my milk, too, but I chased 'em of my property.