that's so crazy they're really double dipping in that the shooter hates queer ppl and then the media calls him queer to slander queer ppl

STOP, pick one ffs

i think this one starts with you

one half of the equation is to be comfortable and firm in your boundaries. if someone asks something of you that you're not comfortable with, don't do it. say you're not comfortable. if they insist, or say it's normal, decline again and leave the interaction

this is the bread and butter of navigating these encounters. if you're not comfortable with this, try to practice with a mirror, a trusted friend, or a therapist

the other half of the equation is to get in touch with your own feelings and emotions. the best way we understand others is by understanding ourselves. take some time to practice mindfulness meditation and spend that time listening to and observing how you feel. as you practice more, this skill will come more naturally to you in day to day interactions. soon, you'll be able to tell when people are being fake or manipulative by understanding how you feel in relation to it

you may think this won't help you understand others, but humans are wired with very good mirror neurons which are very perceptive of how others are feeling. when you understand how something feels for you, you will understand how it feels for someone else, and you'll be able to notice more subtle things like a missing emotion - for example, a lack of joy when feigning interest in something you're interested in

both of these take some time and dedication to develop, but i think it will help you with your problem

an additional skill you will probably want to pick up is breathing practice. check out 4-7-8 breathing (the first number is the count for inhaling, the second is for holding, the third is for exhaling; so breathe for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8; if this is too hard, you can try 4-4-4). this is to help keep you calm when asserting boundaries or remaining patient with your feelings during meditation

idk dawg this seems pretty sound according to the article

The FDA and its advisors identified flaws in the design of the clinical trials, missing data, and a variety of biases in people involved with the trials, including an alleged cult-like support of psychedelics. Lykos is a commercial spinoff of the psychedelic advocacy nonprofit Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS).

FDA advisors also noted the public allegations of a sexual assault of a trial participant during a Phase II trial by an unlicensed therapist providing the MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.

...

On Saturday, using the existing data and scientific literature to support MDMA therapy got a little more difficult for Lykos. The journal Psychopharmacology posted retraction notices for three studies that involved Phase II clinical data of the therapy. The studies included a 2019 rationale for a Phase III trial design, a 2020 pooled analysis, and a 2020 study on how antidepressant use may affect the response to MDMA therapy.

The retraction notice cited two reasons for the retractions, including "protocol violations amounting to unethical conduct" at one of the clinical trial sites—a reference to the sexual assault allegations—and undisclosed conflicts of interest by the authors.

like. these are pretty good reasons for not going ahead. it's on lykos and the scientists running the trials for not keeping their paperwork straight and, you know, not warning people about the risks of the study

from an article cited within (https://qz.com/1809184/psychedelic-therapy-has-a-sexual-abuse-problem-3):

A few years ago, a therapist working in a MAPS MDMA study publicly spoke about his challenges dealing with a patient’s sexuality. Early in his career, Richard Yensen was working with a “lovely young lady who became very sexualized in her relationship around the [MDMA] sessions,” he told an audience at California Institute of Integral Studies in 2016. “It got so intense,” said Yensen, that the chair of his department saw him mid-therapy session and told him to leave the room, warning him to always have another therapist alongside him during sessions. “And thank god, because she became more and more and more activated sexually,” said Yensen. “I don’t think I could have handled it.”

Not long after, Yensen was accused of sexually assaulting a PTSD patient, Meaghan Buisson, during a MAPS clinical trial on MDMA

like. even GENEROUSLY assuming that nothing truly unethical happened. this is a huge issue that will only get worse if it's made publicly available

i'm not taking a position on whether or not it should be made available as a treatment. i don't know and i'm not qualified to determine that. but given what's been said, it feels reasonable to want more data and perhaps go "hey think you could run a trial without getting accused of assaulting people?"

i would have appreciated hearing how the author, personally, found capitalized pronouns to be affirming, because, absent that reasoning, it really does seem like it's to set up a deferential power dynamic. i don't really mind respecting the pronouns anyways, but it does mean i don't really want to be friends with Them until i understand what's going on there better

it's highly personal, so ideally you ask the individual and include their consent in your article. that said, generally speaking, trans people will use their current pronouns, even referring to their pre-transition selves. this is also what's generally considered polite if you don't know them, so it's pretty suspect that the article is not doing that

still, something about malice and incompetence....

it's crazy how those comments are aging like milk precisely because google/web search is going to shit (in addition to being dickhead comments ofc)

just weird to look back and think about how we thought it would never change

i had to google this because i am not a tiktok-er, and apparently women (? sample size?) are commonly stating that they would rather encounter a bear than a man if they were alone in the woods

interesting point that men often also chose the bear for the question of if they would rather have their wife / daughter stuck in the woods with a bear or a man, so that says a lot about men, as well, i think

we can derive some other mildly interesting points from this, like viewing sexual violence as potentially worse than non-sexual but fatal violence. or like, that one might have to live with societal judgement of having been sexually assaulted because there's still a lot of assumptions that you initiated it somehow (rape culture) vs people universally having sympathy for the victim of an animal attack

overall, the unfortunate reality is that women generally view men or people who look like men as dangerous. i'm a transgender man and i've observed this phenomenon in a very real way as women have gone from generally friendly or neutral to detached. it sucks, but it's not personal

however, if this really bothers you, there are actually some things you can do to help women feel more comfortable around you. this is not like... a guarantee. at the end of the day, you're gonna have to live with jumpscaring some women if you round a corner too quick at them. that's how life is. but, if you want to give them some signs you are not a violent person, not as a way to trick them into trusting you, but as a genuine attempt to help them feel safe:

if you change your style to be more feminine, even in subtle ways, like wearing a pink shirt or pink shoes. if you have a man purse. you don't really need to go full femme but if you express yourself in a way that makes you look like someone secure in your masculinity (actual), it will help women understand you're not really a threat

which i think, generally, reflects that women understand that patriarchy isn't about men as a whole, but rather that most men haven't confronted the ideas they were raised with in order to "be a man", and those are the dangerous ideas they need to avoid to be safe

i think there is also an idea that expressing yourself as a softer or more feminine man will make it harder for you to get laid, and i think this may be true. however, i would suggest that women who only wanna fuck you because you're traditionally masculine are not really the women you wanna be fucking, because they're (probably) going to bring their own ideas of toxic masculinity to enforce on you. those are the women who are more concerned with whether or not e.g. you can change the oil on their car, that you are a "real man", and hopefully it goes without saying that those are the ideas you want to avoid reinforcing / internalizing, even if that means turning down a sexual partner

this was a really funny article to me because the author really doesn't seem that attached to being a man. i want to be clear, that's fine and valid. but it seems weird to then speak to the want of men in general to have more positive role models of masculinity, and say, well you should just want positive role models

like? yeah, you can have role models of any gender, but isn't it nice to have role models who look like you? isn't that the entire point that people make when saying representation is important? that doesn't stop being true just because we're talking about men now

he's missing such a basic and fundamental argument that the entire thing just becomes, at least for me, an externalized argument about how he feels about his own gender, which appears to be disconnected and largely not good

also he picked like, apparently the worst examples of masculinity he could find and said, yeah this is why we don't need positive masculinity?? like c'mon

i like being a man, it's cool. there's a lot (A LOT) of shit i have to reconcile with being a man. but imo that's part of the duty that comes with it. so yeah, author, it would be pretty cool to see men who had done that, who expressed their masculinity in unique and authentic ways that sometimes conform and sometimes don't

you know. like people

(i want to take a moment to say that i have several women role models and also people whose gender identities aren't so easily captured by the binary. but those people, generally speaking, don't need to reconcile with the long history of people of their gender doing harm to those around them, nor with the present day scars from that harm. it's a LOT to come to grips with understanding that you scare a lot of people just by existing, and frankly, that's just an experience that a man is more commonly going to have to experience. exclusively? of course not. obviously, there's a racial bias here as well. but due to the commonality, having readily available examples of how to handle it well, and even gracefully, would be nice)

if you want to talk about women's issues, why don't you go to communities dedicated to that? we're not taking away from them; we're also feminist. we're allied, and it's important to have a space for men to talk about, from a feminist perspective, how the patriarchy impacts them

i don't understand why you think space on lemmy is somehow limited?

nor do i see how your second paragraph is relevant at all

it seems like you view this community as a stereotypical MRA/MGTOW kind of place, which it definitely isn't. and getting rid of it would leave it so men looking to talk about their issues only have those shitty places to go. that would only lead more men down the alt right rabbit hole

there's enough space on the internet for everyone

yeah. rich. short for eldrich.

idk this story really wants to paint the duplex lady as sympathetic, but she's living the high life to have an entire separate house attached to hers to do what she pleases with. i don't really feel bad that she can't make money off airbnb with it, she can still ~~exploit people~~ make money off it by having long term tenants. you know, like she wasn't just arbitrarily taking an entire housing situation off the market. sure, she's not as much of a problem as big corpos making bank on airbnb, but i fully feel like she's more in that category than not

i'm open to hearing other opinions on this, though. i've never lived in a duplex. maybe they're really intimate with consideration to the other people living there? but from my view, this seems just like someone who owns two apartments and is now upset they can't get their airbnb slice of the pie for the other one

yeah having read the thread, i'm inclined to agree you come across as someone trying to pick a fight, when you have a semantic disagreement with them at most

i understand that you found what they wrote triggering and harmful, but i don't think you were very kind with your posts. i feel like, in your haste to protect trans people, you were not considerate of the human being you were actually speaking to

i know you're not a member of beehaw, but you're posting it to our instance, so that's the standard i'm applying

if you had empathized with them (her?) that they sometimes need a space where they can just be a person, instead of being trans (or a woman or however abigail identifies), they (she?) might have been more receptive to your point

it also would have helped if you had been direct to the point - for example: "hey, would you mind saying "i don't like debates around my fundamental rights to exist" (or whatever alternative) as opposed to saying "i don't like politics"? this way you still allow space for discussion of important matters related to human rights, while clearly communicating what it is you dislike" (this is my best understanding of your point, but hopefully you can see how to tailor it to better represent what you truly want to express)

as it is, you spent like five posts nitpicking semantics when you knew what was intended and could have just directly stated what you disagreed with

and if you didn't know, well... i guess this is a reminder that words don't mean the same thing to everyone, and your definitions aren't necessarily more valid than someone else's

ultimately, you were argumentative with someone who was absolutely not advocating for transphobia, and policing someone's language without even making the barest effort to engage with what they were actually saying. in both the original poster's position, and in the admin's position, i completely get why they reacted how they did

i don't personally agree with your point, but i hope these recommendations help you more clearly communicate it, and foster healthier interactions about it, in the future