I wish that Bernie was my real dad.

This comment has made my day worse.

He won't spend a day in prison. I don't believe it will happen. Even if he gets sentenced, he'll just drop dead before setting foot in a cell.

Don't forget they have to decide whether they hate Bud, Miller, or Coors Light this week.

Honestly surprised that people will have to be caught in fireable offenses during downsizing.

Yeah you really only have to get very good at parsing through the subtleties of dinner invitations.

Unless they fall into the industrial equipment, then you absolutely cannot take the children out of the jam factory.

I know they're going for an iPhone vibe, but the "camera" setup gives me much more galaxy S21-22.

Honestly? Interesting tactic. Look so ridiculous that everyone at the airport is too embarrassed to ask if that's a half kilo of coke under a toupee.

At 14, I looked back on 10 year old me and thought "wow what an idiot I was."

At 18, I looked back on 14 year old me and thought "wow what an idiot I was."

At 22, I started noticing a pattern.

Yeah but the rest of human history didn't involve the threat of nuclear annihilation always looming on the horizon.

As a server, southerners stare at me in wide eyed awe when I pour a disgusting amount of simple syrup into a glass of iced tea.