DisabledAceSocialist

I am so exhausted by how difficult it is to get medical treatment in the UK when needed. I recently had foot surgery, at the moment I'm having my surgical dressings changed by the practice nurse twice a week. She cleans the wounds, puts an iodine patch on to help clear the infection, and redresses them. While the treatment is free on the NHS, the dressings aren't, I have to pay for those. So much for the NHS being "free at the point of delivery." I had to buy a box to take home too, for when the wounds are no longer so bad and I start to change them myself at home.

My next appointment for a dressing change is on Thursday but today one of the dressings came off. The wound it was covering is deep, oozing blood and orange/yellow fluid, and was totally exposed. I called the GP surgery and explained the situation and asked for a sooner appointment to get it changed. They said there are no appointments and the nurse is too busy to see me, I'll have to phone in the morning and see if I can get one. Appointments are released at 8.30am, but they all get snapped up at once. So many people need an appointment that at 8.30 everyone starts phoning or turning up in person and always, by the time I get through, they're all gone. The only reason I have the twice weekly appointments I do is because they're post-surgical appointments that were booked in advance. So I'll try but I know there's a 0.0001% chance of me being able to get an appointment sooner than Thursday.

So, I dressed the wound myself with one from the pack I had to buy. I don't have iodine patches to put on it, and I can't do it in a 100% sterile way like the nurse can. The surgical wounds already got so infected that about 9 days ago I ended up having to go to the emergency department (because, again, only way to get seen as the GP practice said they had no appointments and wouldn't squeeze me in.) I'm worried it'll get infected again now, and the dressing I've done isn't very comfortable, I'm worried it might be too tight but I had to wrap micropore around it to hold it in place.

It makes me so angry when I see British people bragging to Americans and other nationalities about the NHS. It's shit. Almost impossible to get an appointment and having to pay for your own damn bandages. And all the cost-saving measures they make only end up costing more in the long run.

They hang the man and flog the woman

Who steals the goose from off the common

But let the greater villain loose

Who steals the common from the goose.

Life is just becoming untenable. It's bad enough being ill and disabled, dealing with chronic pain, endless hospital appointments, multiple surgeries and seeing my life slip down the drain because I'm not well enough to do anything worthwhile. But I could live with this. What I can't cope with any more is poverty.

It's one thing going through benefit appeals. OK my money gets stopped for months during the appeal, and I rack up debt and have to beg for food on here. It's hard because I usually get ignored on mutual aid so had to start asking for help on here, and I'm always worried that people on here will stop responding too. So living with constant threat of hunger too. Having to eke out each morsel of food carefully. But I could live with that for a while until my benefits get sorted, since it's temporary.

But now the government say they are cutting disability benefits drastically, to the point I will not be able to live on them, AND they're making it virtually impossible to claim them AND they're forcing claimants into work placements. Multiple doctors have written me letters of support saying I'm totally unfit for any type of work whatsoever, and need help with basic daily things. Yet I still got 0 points on my last assessment. So there is no way the DWP will take the doctor's word for it that I can't work when these new rules come in (and the government say they're being implemented in 54 days.) I know I can't work any more, it's not even a debate.

On top of cancer treatment and a stroke, I'm currently recovering from my last foot surgery. I can't even wear shoes right now, and they said the recovery could take up to 4 months to be complete. I need another foot surgery and I've been given the date - 24th April. That's three months from now. That means just as I recover from this surgery I'll be having another one and have to go through the whole thing again. And this recovery has been horrible - as well as being unable to wear shoes I ended up in A&E when my surgical wounds got infected and it's still infected. I have to get the dressings changed by the nurse multiple times a week and pay for my own bandages because the NHS don't pay for that! I got the money for the bandages by begging on here. And that alone puts me at risk of getting in trouble with the DWP. AND I have to constantly fight to keep my meds as they're always trying to stop or reduce them on cost grounds, never on medical grounds.

I just feel that this latest news about disability benefits is the final straw. When this is implemented I don't see any way out but suicide. I am scared of course, I tried once before and just ended up in intensive care for 5 days. I'm worried about making another mess of it. This sick world does everything it can to make the most reliable and painless suicide methods unavailable, while making people's lives more unbearable so they want to die, but can't.

I'm thinking my only real option is drowning. I live right by the sea and have some diazapam tablets, maybe I can take enough to knock myself out so the drowning won't be so bad. I should stress I am planning to do this in several months when the financial situation becomes clear, not right now so I don't want any do-gooders phoning the police on me or any shit. I am only writing this so if the time comes people will know I did this purely for financial reasons, because the government have bullied me to the point of having no other way out.

I will not accept being out on the street, or moved from shelter to shelter. In fact I asked my shitty therapist about sheltered accommodation, you know what she said? She said you have to pay to live there, it's not free. I said so what about when I'm not in receipt of benefits, such as during appeals? She said then I'd be evicted. There is no security or safety, anywhere.

I am tired of this. The immense stress of benefit assessments and appeals is bad enough, but this new government have taken away all hope of a survivable future. It's already exhausting and stressful begging for food and never knowing whether I will get a response or not, but this new situation means the end of all hope and a life of permanent destitution and homelessness.

This pisses me off intensely. We're treated like burdens when we need help - "Can't work? Fuck you, you leech, we're stopping your benefits." Need medical treatment? I've had multiple medical professionals complain to me about how much my meds cost the country and try to stop giving them to me - not on medical grounds but purely on cost grounds.

But can we be allowed to die peacefully with dignity? NO! The only deaths we're allowed are starving to death like Mark Wood and Errol Graham, who starved to death after their disability benefits were stopped, DIY suicide like Jodey Whiting, who killed herself in despair after her benefits were stopped, or die of exposure after becoming homeless like Richard O'Brien and Ian Roberts. And many, many others.

The state treats me like such a burden I have to beg strangers for food. So politicians need to stop pretending they care or that they don't see us as a burden.

Two evil fascists like each other. What a shocker!

Two evil fascists like each other. What a shocker!

I hate the way they don't mention the fact that a huge chunk of the benefits bill is pensions. They try to make out it's all lazy people not working.

Sainsburys is closing its cafes and hot food counters to save money, meaning 3000 people will lose their jobs, while Sainsburys made a profit of £277 million last year and paid its two top bosses £7 million between them.

It's been shown that cutting disability benefits will move hardly anyone into work - it will just result in the disabled being unable to afford what they need.

Studies show that over half of disabled people in the UK already go without essentials, as they can't afford them on the pittance they're paid. Yet the government threatens to cut the disability benefit by half to save money. And make it more difficult than it already is to claim benefits. Now of course this will result in suicides and death by starvation and exposure, which the government doesn't care about. But it will also lead to increased crime - shoplifting, dealing in drugs/stolen goods/black market stuff, etc, just to survive. Such a stupid and short sighted policy.

Make no mistake - this isn't really about saving money, it's purely ideological. They don't want to pay for useless eaters to live, plain and simple.

It's been shown that cutting disability benefits will move hardly anyone into work - it will just result in the disabled being unable to afford what they need.

Studies show that over half of disabled people in the UK already go without essentials, as they can't afford them on the pittance they're paid. Yet the government threatens to cut the disability benefit by half to save money. And make it more difficult than it already is to claim benefits. Now of course this will result in suicides and death by starvation and exposure, which the government doesn't care about. But it will also lead to increased crime - shoplifting, dealing in drugs/stolen goods/black market stuff, etc, just to survive. Such a stupid and short sighted policy.

Make no mistake - this isn't really about saving money, it's purely ideological. They don't want to pay for useless eaters to live, plain and simple.