Recently learned that an individual who is causing the most strife and division on my team is super hard-core MAGA Trumper. It really brings a clearer picture on why he is attacking I and the other women on the team and why those he hired are only white men. I'm already nervous about the upcoming election, but to see a supporter so emboldened in his views in the workplace gives me a more in-your-face view of how these people want their day-to-day.

3 days off, going to go see AC/DC Wednesday... so thats pretty good

It's friday.

I made it to the gym and feel glorious. I'm on Day 4 of being a primary Linux user and it feels nice to know that I'm digitally flipping Microsoft the bird.

Pretty good!

After reading about Windows Recall last week I decided I'm making the change to Linux. (Dual boot for now, since I'm an avid gamer and don't want to lose my games, so I need a few months to make sure nothing will break.)

Currently typing this from my fresh installation of Brave on my fresh installation of Linux Mint.

Feels good to say "!@#$ you, Microsoft".

I feel awful. Tested negative for COVID, but I haven't felt this bad since I had it.

Peak summer here, hottest monday at 47C, its just lovely! Other than that things are looking up, hopefully i'll get stuff done.

I applied to one job opening and already want to give up

My biggest enemy is me 🥲

Fucking amazing. First burn, work goes well. I'm actually happy in my own skin after decades of crippling depression.

On my honeymoon :3 (missing our cat so much we are god's strongest soldiers)

We're deep into second kiddo territory (6 weeks) and I think I'm just feeling a bit burned out. The jump from zero to one child is HUGE and there was a lot of mourning the loss of our freedom/life for both my wife and I. We're feeling the same dip now that we're back into dealing with a newborn ~2 years later and while not as severe, I can tell for myself it's there and bothering me. I've also been back to work the last three weeks so my schedule is basically go to work (from home) all day, take the baby most of the evening while we chase a 2 year old around, get the 2 year old to bed, then hand off the new kiddo around 8:30 - 9 so I can go to bed and I get them back somewhere around 10-11 depending on the last bottle for the rest of the night. Both kids have been good sleepers (thank god) but I'm still getting woken up somewhere around 3am for that middle of the night bottle.

No time for really much else. I know intuitively it will get better because I saw it happen before, it's just rough right now. No time for the mrs, hobbies, friends, etc...and I think we were figuring it out with number one really well. Just all hitting me the last few days.

Luckily both kids are freaking adorable and the older one is overflowing with personality as they're learning, saying, repeating more and more from daycare. It's been awesome to see them just explode in their development. I also understand now why some parents would have leashes for their toddlers.

Currently I'm just waiting out job applications to hopefully pay me more than my two part time jobs (or at least one of them) and have me working less for it

I got bored and installed Arch on my desktop. I'm back on Arch after using Ubuntu for years.

Pretty great

Finally upgraded my resin printer to having a flex bed and my only regret is not doing it sooner

I also finished upgrading my printing enclosures to using 8in ducting for ventilation. This combined with the 8in fan I'm using puts the ventilation at cycling the entire air contents of my room every 2 minutes at the highest setting or once every 4 minutes at the fan setting I use.

To do the upgrade required me to print a 8in duct splitter because buying one is prohibitively expensive.

I started the migration of my NAS to a new system but that's going to finish (hopefully) by Friday. The data has been duplicated I just have to wait a bit as a piece of software I need to install on one of the VMs has its key locked until Friday (can't be activated on a new system) and that piece of software is currently installed on the system that will become my new NAS.

Edit: rendered the clip at a lower res

Edit2: Hopefully the NAS move will be done by next Friday. Schedule got complicated again. Oh well it'll still work for now.

There's been... stuff.

Otherwise, reasonable inroads on neglected household cleaning & even a tiny bit of admin.

As always at this day of the week I start to feel intense aggression coupled with too much time on social media around fridays which results in being an insufferable menace to online society. Then on Saturday I feel amazing again.. after two days of pointless internet arguments and feeling like sociopath I cry to lion king and love people and animals again.

However today I start to feel intense yearning to commit war crimes and cope by sharing it all with the internet yay. Again the metallic taste of sadism fills my mouth harming more myself really than anyone else in these two day streaks of Reddit freakout.

I need to find some kind of better fkin release than battling lame nerds and loli hentai fans, ordinary morons, marxists leninists, singularity freaks, husbando haters, irs goons, lawful high horse riders

To stay non edgy for most of the time at Thursday and Friday is a challenge. The hormones go down and down inversely proportional to the desire for murder but jail is not the best place for non legally transitioned trans ppl as we all know.

Stay classy Emmie you can do it

Having a rough one, unfortunately.

Power went out today, but it's not just us so I think that's at least promising that we don't have to have an electrician come out and fix something.

Currently struggling with a lot of anxiety over my computer. I spend a lot of time on it and I love playing video games, plus my queer platonic partner is long distance. But it's showing a lot of issues and some of the parts are really old, so I want to replace them. Gotta find the money for that somehow. I'm hoping to start fresh on it and wipe everything plus dual boot windows with pop!_os. I had already installed both before but starting anew sounds like a good idea.

I barely know how to use linux but I have a server so that's helped me understand more, at least. I'd swap completely but one of the games I love demands windows because of anti-cheat.

Birthday was as good as it could be. People close to me put in a lot of effort to make it nice, but trauma always comes in swinging. But it was nicer than other years have been, I'll count it as a win.

Not good. It's not like anything bad happened (actually there were only good things) but I did some highly questionable stuff and it's a big problem for me. If someone figures out what I did, it's going to be a disaster. Also my recent attacks caused my older relatives to seek help from psychics and similar people (they believe in such stuff) which is not great because the last time they did it I had very heavy nosebleeds. Well I'm in danger as always. And my mental health isn't getting much better. My mind is still functioning on a very basic level because everything else is critically damaged. I guess if I was a regular modern person, I'd be dead or crazy already. But I'm stronger and it does have its disadvantages. At least I can suppress my pain a little bit with YouTube and my new sim racing setup (direct drives are awesome btw).

EDIT: forgot to mention that some serious social issues started to pop up as well

spent the weekend at a wedding a couple of hours away. sent the two herding dogs to my agility coach and the chi mix to a friend's house for boarding. chi mix and aussie did great! the border collie had a rough time. apparently barked more or less the whole weekend and couldn't settle. i think she was just bored and overwhelmed/overstimulated, sigh.

we've had a few thunderstorms, and the xanax the vet gave me doesn't seem to be helping the border collie's severe reaction (barking, leaping, basically inconsolable making both humans lose sleep for a couple of nights). i'm wondering if i could up her dose. also picked up a thundershirt, but haven't had a chance to test it out during a real thunderstorm yet.

we've got a two-day mock agility trial this weekend, and i'm hoping to get all three dogs in the ring at some point or another.

RAGBRAI is steadily approaching, but due to lack of sleep and being out of town, i didn't get a chance to ride at all last week or this past weekend. fingers crossed i can get a decent ride in after work tonight.

Watched the slice-of-life dramedy about cancer 50/50 and it's now one of my top films. I picked it because it's leaving Kanopy.com in a couple of days and the ratings on Rotten Tomatoes were high enough to risk it, and it sure delivered. It was real edutainment based on the scriptwriter's own experience with cancer at a young age, apparently. I recommend it to everyone!

Watched I Saw the TV Glow. Fucked me up. A little bit jealous because all my friends left the theater with the determination to start HRT so they don't end up like the main character. Unfortunately I feel like whatever is wrong with me is much too innate and deep seated to be cured with hormones.

My friend who lashed out and dropped me for offering to pay for his medication started paying for it himself and now he's super happy all the time. I've never felt more useless. I spent several years attempting to support him through his worst, and he basically told me that if I kept giving him false hope, he'd kill himself. Then as soon as I stopped, he did a 180 and feels great 24/7.

I can't help myself and I can't help other people, what am I doing here?

Unusually cold. Yesterday it was quite warm in the morning but then it got cloudy and cooler. Thought of going with a shirt only at work and I could not made a worse choice.

Other than that I think it's fine. I will have to look for a new job soon. 🥲