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(hed fixed to 19)

The universe has a strange way of fucking with one. In my experience, long and frustrating lulls where nothing happens are punctuated with "oh, you didn't like that? Well, here's everything at once."

I should open with that I am not looking for advice; I've already made up my mind. I'm looking to commiserate and vent.

Requisite backstory: Through a series of events much like what I described with getting back into journalism not too long ago, we met. This required my former boss, the lesbian who was my first real girlfriend, my parents, friends of my parents having moved to Oregon and, oh yes, I-5 freezing the day after said boss was done with me couchsurfing and we disagreed over "by the weekend." She was on the coast and I needed to get to Tacoma two days later.

We'd been talking on OKCupid for at most two weeks. I looked at my options and determined nonfrozen roadway would be preferable, so I sent a very short message: "Fancy a visitor?"

This was 2009, and she felt it was safe because to her mind, there was no way I was straight (bleached hair at 30, amirite?). We've now been divorced for eight years. I'm not going to talk about what went right or wrong. It is firmly in the past, and we have worked in recent years to get back on speaking terms, which varies in efficacy, usually depending on her inebriation level, which is itself horrifically ironic.

So, after she offered to mail me an ounce in April and then went completely silent, with no ounce showing up, she finally popped up last night. She's about an hour away through the week before likely heading to Connecticut for an unknown period of time. No car -- she's going to figure out the transport down here -- but nonetheless, distilled, knowing that I live in a van with a bed too small for two people who aren't fucking: "Fancy a visitor?"

And the reality is I do. Said that once before ...

But wait, there's more! I'd already interacted with her in 2004, when she had a different account. Learned that one the day I moved into her house five days after meeting (which was a drive) and she showed me an old photo. Of her. Wearing what's in retrospect a rather pedestrian collar for something that actually has cone spikes.

I can only say this in retrospect, because I went full Paul Hogan for the wedding after commissioning two artists: That's not a collar ...

She fucking wears her wedding collar to this day (you want it to last, you want a blacksmith; also, be aware that a leather backing can cause cysts). And kept my name. So, you know, it's not entirely out of the blue that after all this time ...

It's the surprise of it all. Even though it really shouldn't be surprising. So, maybe it's just the timing.

I hate to go as cliche as "surprising absolutely no one," but really, this is not a surprise.

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I've never been a reporter.

You might think this is how one gets into journalism, but there are a few roads. Mine was columnist, copyed, opinion editor, running the fucking paper.

As I start my third week as a reporter, there's much that is just strange. My reporters never deigned to tell me I was wrong, but I frequently tell my editor as much.

"Look, we don't have a story here until DOE links what was in the press release" is apparently competence. Like, this is just obvious. No, I don't need praise for pointing out a glaring hole in a story.

I just wake up and am myself, and I'm somehow paid for this. Given all the bullshit surrounding corporate roles, I'm left agape at how this still exists and my ability to just slide into something I've never done.

Surely the clearest path to retaining only the best.

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So, this isn't news, nor is it science, per se. But I wanted to share here because I was one of those kids from about 2 to 4. As mentioned in the story, it of course all faded thereafter, but I could talk at length about my life in Texas even though I had never been. My parents found it odd but not entirely outside expectations.

The last thing I want to do is redundantly post, but as my new role proceeds apace, I'm aware that this site, the admins and mods believing in me was crucial to being able to land my new role.

I now write the sort of no-bullshit stuff that I used to run. The audience is ~~listening~~ different, but I spent much of my day interacting with a professor who was just awarded a grant to create a stochastic model of future grid resilience by DOE.

Instead of a daily story, I now have an enterprise piece on my hands. Dude expected from my questions, which led to getting his phone number, that I had an advanced degree.

After invoicing banal transportation and warehousing in my prior role, this is an improvement. And without the support of this community in reaffirming (I hate that word) my ability to commit journalism, I'm not certain I would have gotten here.

What I learned in starting this role is that you need to rope everyone who cares about you into next steps. My former assistant at Gannett got me the interview, my second ex-wife shot $150 my way to eat while sorting all this out, and once I'd gotten here, my parents were once again happy to assist in short-term financial aid.

Beehaw was a significant piece of the puzzle, and I thank y'all for getting me back on track.

There was a weird moment a few years back.

"If you could do anything you wanted to, what would it be?"

I had no answer. Anything?

Then came the rent hike. Had to get rid of the cat, as I could no longer afford food. So, as one does, I bought a stepvan.

If you've never set up a 24V house system in a vehicle, I'd encourage you to give it a try.

But, if you haven't, and a friend asks for your resume, well, green energy as a beat is unlikely to fly.

Oddly, this did not apply ... because I had the background. Because I knew the secret handshakes.

So I'm again asked: "If you could do anything ..."

OK, fine, fine. You've got this solar setup. What if you could cover green energy and related tech?

Uh ... I'm pretty certain everyone on Beehaw would like this idea of an live journalist being involved with U.S, News., and I'm happy to report that journalism is out there.

The issue is it isn't coming from any "reputable" source. The sort of things the Times and Post put out no longer clear the bar.

This is a minor mea culpa about standards for !usnews. I'm not sure I can stand behind the expectations from merely nine months ago.

There's a dark joke there I'll refrain from making.

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This looks like a replay of the Albertsons/Safeway merger, with way more stores being sold off to a company unaccustomed to the sort of volume that would make the deal work:

C&S Wholesale Grocers, a supplier to independent grocery stores and owner of a retail pharmacy and 23 supermarkets under the Piggly Wiggly and Grand Union banners, has agreed to acquire a total of 579 stores in a revised divestiture deal worth $2.9 billion.

So the new C&S would be 25 times its current store footprint. Wholesale experience could mitigate that to some extent, but just ask Haggen how suddenly growing by an order of magnitude worked out. The story covers the Washington-state chain completely devoid of context:

In addition, Kroger will sell its Haggen banner to C&S, and C&S will license the Albertsons banner in California and Wyoming and the Safeway banner in Arizona and Colorado.

Again, this is a repeat of what the last merger did in Oregon and Washington, except this time it ropes four additional states into the problem. And, if history is any sort of barometer, there will be systemic failures on the part of C&S that result in the merged behemoth buying back the divested stores for a pittance, creating the same problems they're claiming the new plan will solve.

With an additional hitch: As a wholesale distributor to 7,500 competing independent grocery stores, there's no reason to believe that relationship will survive as a new direct competitor.

Edited because I did some research and had a major error. C&S does operate retail locations well west of the Mississippi.