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I always assume these types of reviews are jokes, because the alternative, that they're serious, is sort of insulting to me as a member of the same species as the person who wrote it.
I don't hate joke reviews, but I don't like when the overall rating itself is affected by the joke ratings.
I do agree, its one thing to make a joke, but when that joke has capacity to evolve into something serious - then it is a problem.
Beach near me.
Imagine directing the same negative energy towards the people who litter in nature (or anywhere else for that matter).
Funniest nature review I ever saw was:
5 Star waterfall - "never been"
"Looks good on the photos"
The first one is legit funny. 😂 Who the hell turned off the lights?
Someone forgot to pack a flashlight!
That's some victim-blaming bullshit.
If they ran the place better, guests wouldn't have to pack a flashlight!
One of Ryan George's videos explained one reason these reviews exist. Google used to have a pretty robust Local Guide designation for reviewers who were actively reviewing locations. They game-ified reviews and naturally some people wanted a high score. So, they would review things like parking lots and other places that are usually not 'review-able'.
I still get notifications that say "your reviews are popular! Over 1200 people have viewed them. Can you fill in details about [some place I stopped in the parking lot to check the map]?”
Subtle hint of how much data they're collecting.
Doesn't explain them leaving a nonsensical review like the inevitable march of time existing
They would have a review like "nice trees"
Okay got some good ones near my park
This tells a story of someone taking vengeance on the birds.
This feels like a horror story for some reason
Alfred Hitchcock Presents: The Birds 2 - No More Birds
"There is nothing"
Are they real morons or fantastic trolls?
Definitely trolls.
Last time I saw this I concluded it's locals leaving 1 Star reviews to lessen tourists visiting these spots.
I respect that
Gotta shoot out the window a couple times per year to keep the rent low
Definitely trolling.
A big chunk of the people on this platform have no concept of satire.
5 stars are often just as silly. 5-star at a restaurant be like "We all had food poisoning the next day but the service was great! Food out fast."
"The food quickly left our bodies, making room for more food! 5 stars!"
"Fantastic food and very friendly staff. One of the best places we ever ate" - 3 stars
I once went on a short hike in the summer, and even though it was hot and sunny outside my body kept getting wet? My hand got slippery which made my cane hard to hold, and I smelled bad after that! Don’t hike here, they fuck with you!
Oh, that's genius.
Clearly a conspiracy! They must be putting chemicals in the air!
It's the chemtrails. 🤓
I mean, just because it's natural doesn't mean it's useless information that can't be left in a review. Even if no one can do anything about it, it may help people decide whether to go there.
But "it got dark way too early"? That doesn't help anyone; people can look up sunset times themselves if that's something they're concerned about.
Once again, we see that most of the people on this platform have no concept of satire.
Because they are so locked and loaded to call everyone a Zionist, antisemite, tankie, etc.etc.etc.
This is not about people leaving 1-star reviews. This is about people leaving 1-star reviews for lunatic reasons. I once saw one on a hiking app, saying the path was not flat and there were no stairs. I mean sure, that is information that might help you ; but what the hell do you expect from a mountain trail with >500m of elevation difference in a natural reserve. Sure that's not the craziest thing out there, but it baffled me.
Pretty ridiculous to put a mountain in the middle of a mountain trail. Tsssk.
One star reviews are hilarious in general.
"Joe Schmo's pizza"
Excellent pizza, Joe is warm and welcoming, very clean tables and fantastic service. However, they forgot to add Canadian bacon :(
1/5 stars
On my city's nature trails there are signs on the entrance of unofficial paths in the woods warning people that the ground could be uneven and slippery.
How pathetic have we become as a species that we can't even let someone walk in the woods without fearing a lawsuit?
Edit: I even remember being told by an employee at Costco to walk the long way through a long empty queue instead of simply going over or under the chain because "I could have hurt myself" doing so. Overprotective nonsense like that makes me want to live in a cabin in the woods away from everyone.
Until 2023 there was a tree in a national park near me that was 65m tall, and you could climb to the top because there were rebar climbing pins in the tree. Not a ladder, as such, but just steel pins sticking out from the trunk about 2 feet apart, spiralling up the tree at an 80 degree angle. There was no safety net, no safety line, no harness, no gates. It was not 'closed' during major storms, it was just assumed nobody would climb in one. You could just drive up, and start climbing in thongs and a bintang singlet during a thunderstorm if you wanted to.
Sadly this era came to an end in 2033 when they restricted the climb to just 30m.
Nobody has ever died falling from it.
No doubt insurance made them do it.
A warning from the future.
American litigiousness is a direct result of the missing safety net.
A lot fewer people would sue if their slip didn’t land them five to seven figures in debt, make them unable to work, and completely fuck up their finances
I decided to search my local trails to see if I could find any good one star reviews. Nothing as good as these, but I did find a guy giving bad ratings to try to reduce the crowds, who said he paid $700 for parking and broke both knees.
Edit: also found a 1 star review of a nearby lake that says "bro it's just water"