Autism

People will put mask on to gain love and acceptance.

This is true..

But its not really love and acceptance if you have to pretend to be a different person, its simply the illusion of it.

You ask, how you can learn this skill and the answer is to keep lying to yourself that it’s working till you believe it.

My advice would be to stay true to yourself, your own wants, needs, morals. (What do you think and belief inside and not what opinion some internet video fed you cause thats an easy mistake )

When you find love and acceptance, which you, like everyone, deserve and require. You will know it is sincere.

The first person to love and accept you for who you are (if not your parents) can be yourself.

Masking is a useful tool, but don't rely it for "love and acceptance". People who like you only because you can performs emotions at will, or fake being extroverted/cheerful/whatever, are probably not the people you want in your life.

That said, learning to mask can still be a good idea (for example, it can make it easier for you to get what you need/want when hiring tradespeople or services, etc.).

Off the top of my head, here are some ways to learn:

• People watching. Observe how they interact, both in speech and body language. Note what topics people commonly like to discuss, then practice small talk with someone who is happy to help with it. Personally I find small talk boring and tedious, but it's very useful at establishing conversation with someone so you can actually get to the more significant topics you might want to discuss.
• Reading self-help books. These might not be obvious, but books about communication (e.g. Crucial Conversations) and emotional regulation (or even more scientific or psychological works about social cues, etc.) can help you develop the tools to interact well with others (which usually leads to being more accepted).

The key thing to keep in mind is that you want to consciously learn how to do this, so you can choose which parts of the mask to deploy when you need/want to. You don't want to just default to always masking - it is absolutely exhausting and leads to burnout. It does take time and practice, though, and it's not always pleasant working out what aspects of masking you need to get along with certain people (colleagues, extended family, etc.).

love and acceptance? just for putting on a mask? how can I learn this skill?

If you ever did something that you disliked or thought was dumb but was "what others expect of you", congratulations, you've applied masking. If you ever hid or resisted a behavior that other people would complain about, despite said behavior not being troublesome, you've also applied masking.

We get "love and acceptance" (mostly acceptance) when we mask because we fit in with a group, but that's where we can get socially and mentally exhausted, because it's not "the real" us that's fitting in.

I just want to highlight that social masking and autistic masking are very different kinds of efforts.

Sure, autistic masking happens because of social pressures but its not the same thing as simply changing your presenting persona to match the circumstances.

Anyways, masking for love and acceptance would be a very difficult thing for a lot of autistic people. Sure, you might actually convince someone to accept the fake you, but eventually losing touch with yourself would destroy self esteem and make you miserable from the inside.. which will then destroy your relationship anyway.

Don't mask, let as many people dislike you as necessary to find the few who will love you for who you are.

For a book on the subject, Alice Miller's The drama of the gifted child is all about losing yourself in masks and finding yourself in adulthood. Seems written with therapists as the target audience.

I am confused about that. On one hand, I know that I may be masking - due to autism, cptsd or, most likely, both. But I am not sure, how I do this. Instead of putting out a fake persona (which makes me exhausted even thinking about), I rather mute my personality and become bland. I have no idea, who my real self is, though. As for your question, my intuition is against it - if you've never done it, you may be perceived as fake and it may backfire. Don't try to win with the NT in their game - it's as sensless as expacting that a random NT will be eager to chat about nuclear fusion.

It's all kind of bullshit, yes you can learn to be lovable and acceptable. It's not even masking, usually it's just manners or being mindful of people. The only catch is doing so doesn't mean you're going to get that back. Or get to choose who loves you.

People get so fixated on this idea "authenticity, authenticity bro be you're true self" because it helps them not consider which parts of themselves are a performance and which parts are automatic for them without intentional decisions.

Can I check out.the video?

i thought this was going to be about us who still put on the masks after covid19.

Having a mask that receives love and acceptance is EXACTLY THE SAME as receiving conditional love and rejection. Why are you going out of your way to take the wrong lessons when the right ones are staring you in the face.