(is it just me, or should the first two be swapped?)
They forgot one
(Best I can do lol)
this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2026
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*mounts chair awkwardly*
Scoliosis? I hardly knoliosis!
Is that where his back problems originate? Oh shit. That poor dude.
No. I deliberately spread false information for the purpose of humor.
He hurt it moving furniture in a previous job where he moved furniture.
I don't trust you anymore. Something tells me you're up to no good!
backs away slowly
Amazing! Haha
Takes their religion way too seriously
Gets shot in the head.
Serves them right for being fundies
(Jk)
Lives under a mountain
Rock and Stone!
FOR KARRRL!
How does one live under a mountain?
One mines, but carefully, laddie. Ye ken? Dinnae try to dig too deep.
(is it just me, or should the first two be swapped?)
I think the intent is that the first one is "chill" because it's the lowest-effort approach for someone who doesn't want a beard but can't be arsed to keep fully clean-shaven. This guy doesn't care that much, but probably shaves 1-2 times per week or uses an electric shaver to keep himself presentable.
The second is a more intentional style. It takes more effort to maintain stubble on your face and also clean lines than either a full beard or the "chill" guy's style. This guy is probably doing daily maintenance on the lines as well as buzzing down the stubble regularly. So it's less "chill" because it's higher-effort.
You're right, I think I just misread the captions as if it was a progression from least to most chill on that row. I've had my caffeine now, lol
IMO, number 2 is something like this:
Something that requires daily, maybe even hourly maintenance to keep the lines perfectly straight and clean.
Hourly? That's a rookie schedule.
This alignment chart is all over the place. ACAB in Lawful Evil? Hailing Satan in Lawful Neutral? Police in Chaotic Evil?
Police in chaotic evil i can at least understand, but the ACABs need to be chaotic good
Personally, I'd think cops should be in Lawful Evil. Yes they act erratically and shoot anything that moves, but their job is literally the law
I personally would put the cops into neutral evil, because they are mainly interested into pushing their own agenda, the law comes second.
Cops aren't required to know the law, that's what lawyers are for.
Does he peg it up to eat, or does he prefer to just dive into the ocean for krill?
"Fliiiint, noooo! Your burgers are getting too biiiiig."
The 2nd one needs to "chill out" because he's carefully shaving where he doesn't want beard.
Guess it's time I learned how to grill seitan.
Yeah I'm thinking to myself "well that's wrong but also maybe I should learn what that is. Hail Satan"
or rob trains i guess
"Is the police" got me
What's "Call the police"? That looks like a Jazz musician to me, who would also say "fuck the police". If "Call the police" is someone who is afraid of things and most likely to want help from the police, I'd say that's the clean shaven look.
To me, it's managers and execs who are easily scared and want protection from the cops. That's a look I associate with a suit and tie, a short haircut with a side part, and completely shaved facial hair.
I think the implication is less "this guy will call the police" and more "this guy is a creep, call the police". Not saying that's a fair association to make with this type of facial hair, but that's my interpretation of the creators intent.
What’s “Call the police”?
Pick up 'artist'. Pretty sure the 'statment hat' thing is where the incel fedora originated too.
I'm on too chill camp imo
The best and easiest to do. Shaving few times a year, when mandatory is the best approach.
My facial hair is a result of my being absolutely unwilling to shave every single day. To me, that's just too much of a pain in the ass. Even a high-maintenance beard is lower maintenance than that, because if you skip a day nobody will notice.
Yeah same, skip a lit more than few days, but I really don't care when people notice. It does absolutely nothing.
I never shave, but I frequently comb my beard and sometimes rub some oil into it. But, a key difference is that you don't need to stand in front of a sink and a mirror to comb your beard. I can do it while watching TV or something. And, if I don't comb it for a few days, it doesn't really change much.