disabled

New Mega

God I hate neurotypicals.

"uGh DoN't UsE """"sCiEnTiFiC"""" wOrDs!!!! I dOn'T wAnT tO hAvE tO tHiNk!!!"

Mmm..... No. I'll think I'll keep using quote on quote "scientific words" (they're mundane words) and you instead go and uh.... Fuck yourself! Deal? Deal.

I think I now fully understand the connotations behind that black girl in my senior homeroom class years go venting "God I hate white people!"

Slay queen! Slay! I may be white, but I'll try and be a bit of emotional support to the people arounf me when the "societal defaults" piss us off.

The only thing that rivals medical paternalism for annoying me on a regular basis are interpreters. Medical interpreters out there: You're on the list, and it's not a nice list

Doctor: "Did you experience any other symptoms"

Interpreters and patient: Five minute discussion, briefly heated in the middle

Interpeter: "No"

Doctor: "Okey dokey"

WHY
ARE
YOU (PLURAL)
LIKE
THIS

I don't know what I'm going to do about my medical appointments for the next three weeks until my landlady gets back and can drive me again. These are appointments I really need, dressing changes on my feet and starting my physiotherapy rehabilitation course, amongst others. But I have no money left for transport and can't get a response on mutual aid. Does anyone here use other sites where they could share my post? Apart from bumping the only response I've had is someone putting a link to the NHS free transport - how many times do I have to explain that I'm not eligible for the free service and you have to pay upfront for it anyway and claim it back later? Unsolicited advice in mutual aid threads is so wearisome. I wish the mods would crack down on it. I can't see anything else to do but cancel the appointments. Then how will I change these bandages (mobility issues making it too hard to do myself) and back on the waiting list for god knows how long for my physical rehabilitation.

I took my first dose of ADHD meds today.

Holy shit.

Is this for real? Are you telling me I can actually want to do a thing, and just do it without it requiring me to fight my brain for dear life? Are you telling me people without ADHD can think this clearly all the time?

Seriously, anyone here who has teken Vyvance, will it always work this well? I finally feel like an adult human that can get shit done.

After asking the GP to refer me for ages and then being on the waiting list for ages, I finally got to see the neurologist today. Not the headache neurologist I usually see but a different one, about all my weird neurological symptoms, the tingling, numbness and pins and needles in my legs, feet and face and the numbness and weakness in my hands and arms. He said I have carpal tunnel syndrome in my arms. So that is a lovely new issue to contend with. He said he doesn't think there is anything wrong with my legs (other than the usual issues from the stroke) and he thinks the feelings in my legs are something that happens when people have other medical conditions - in my case the stroke and migraines - that cause your brain to stop blocking out sensations it normally blocks out. Now I'm feeling things that are always going on but that most people just don't feel.

So OK news about the legs but I'm worried about the carpal tunnel progressing and causing further disability.

Having an irl friend that's also autistic and you can mention an autistic experience with and they understand it is very nice.

Finally. I finally got some damn vyvance

I finally can afford to medicate adhd because my country now lets regular doctors prescribe it if you already have a clinical diagnosis.

I no longer have to pay hundreds to a psychiatrist every time I need to renew my script.

I might actually be able to function without murdering my health now.

I'm so god damn happy. Is this what hope feels like?

trying to do a bigish hobby thing that lends itself to the productivity advice of dividing into discrete chunks. problem is i finish a chunk and then my focus is gone

I fear i may never be able to go back to coding full time. I moved for a job, and the depression hits hard. Bad enough I have schizophrenia, I don't need depression on top of that.

My doctor only recently graduated and hasn't dealt with the bullshit as it relates to the disability system. I had to tell her today I got denied and legal aid had said it was because her wording wasn't what they wanted, and she was really pissed that I'm actively suffering from super high anxiety bc of something so minor and stupid.

She gave me new drug to try too so yippee

Being autistic is like having to constantly go to meetings where someone is going "This is what faces mean! This is what "normal" social behavior is like!"

On repeat. Presumably until one dies.

~Getting a little sick of it.~

Honestly this was on me. I relied on a 5 minutes bus trip not to be 10 minutes late. So now I'm gonna be late for my fucking exam

With how my history of employment is, I kind of wanna just give up on conventional employment and start a commune. I've bee doing some research and it would be hella hard at first but once systems are in place, I think it would be doable. I've talked to a few friends and 3 of them seem on board with the idea but I'm not sure how hard they think this endeavor might be.

Maybe I'm being silly about this whole thing though. But I just really can't keep doing the "job search for a year > have a job for 1.5 years > get fired and start over" cycle anymore. I started looking passively for a new job and it just feel gross at this point.

Anyway, it's Pride Month. I hope everyone enjoys all the mega-corporations changing their logos. Love for all my disabled, trans, queer, and enby siblings.

I know I've both complained about and attempted to defend my therapist on here, but now that she's no longer my therapist, I feel no need to continue defending her. She was often dismissive of my breakthrough symptoms, was kinda dismissive what I suspect might be an eating disorder, and she wanted me to live my life according to her vision, not mine. Not least of all, partway through she started misgendering and deadnaming me and never gendered my sibling right. Honestly, I'm kinda glad to stop running defense for her.

my hospital sent me a letter with a first class stamp on it ($0.74) to tell me i owe them a dollar

One the one hand, eugenics is a blight on humanity, but on the other, I'm terrified if I have kids they'll inherit my disorder, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies, let alone people I love.

If I have to listen to someone tell me about empathy/faces/whatever one more time I'm going to fucking scream.

Had to sleep with the lights on for the past couple weeks because paranoia is hitting hard. Though the oncoming "Am I a vampire?" delusion may allow me to sleep in the dark again. Don't know why, but the antipsychotic hasn't hit just right this dose.

I am realizing I spent most of last week doing stuff in minecraft.