Mental Health

I'm in this picture and i don't like it

A little bit of reverse psychology might help in breaking the cycle.

Instead of obsessing over the things you think you should do, give yourself a task that is simply to try and do absolutely nothing. For example, go to a park, sit on a bench and do nothing. Drive to a mildly interesting, quiet place. Just observe. Watch the people passing by, the ducks in the pond drifting aimlessly about. Note how the trees are moving in the wind...

Do not use your smartphone. Don't read or listen to music. No distractions. Whenever your mind goes back to unpleasant thoughts about what you "should" be doing, gently remind yourself that your only task right now is to do absolutely nothing. Just observe. You don't have to enjoy it, so don't stress yourself about it not being fun.

This can be very hard in the beginning. It might seem boring and pointless, and there will be a nagging feeling that you ought to do something instead. Let it go.

If you do this every day for at least an hour (ideally as long as possible), you'll get used to being just fine in that moment. You might notice that the world just goes on whether you do something or not, and that's fine. Your task is to sit here and do nothing. Take it seriously. It is important to remind yourself about that whenever the thoughts are bubbling up again. Let them go for the moment, it's not the right time. You have a job to do and that is... doing nothing.

After a few weeks (or months, in my case) you will become good at really doing nothing, and initial boredom gives way to genuine calm. And this will enable you to have an intrinsic motivation to do something again, on your own terms.

When I was younger I had low mood/depression, which looked very much like this... But it could've been ADHD now that I think about it, or they're interrelated.

First line recommendation, like many things, and which people like me hate, is of course regular exercise, good diet, good sleep.

Alongside that, opening the dang thing you're supposed to do as a first goal. Or set a goal of doing 30 min of work framing it as "just to make the guilt/frustration go away". These have sometimes been helpful. Productive procrastination (e.g. doing chores instead) is a good alternative to just sitting and doing nothing, though it doesn't necessarily help with the goal... Anyway lots of other approaches, just my 2c.

This is what weed is for my friend.

Over the years, I've gotten better at preventing this. But it still happens from time to time.

I don't have all of the answers or perhaps an answer that could work for you, but I do find that having a to-do list and only entering one thing then completing it before moving on, to work best for me. I would often think negatively about myself and thing that nothing worthwhile was done that day. That was until I kept doing my to-do list. Now I'm able to look back and see that I had done multiple things that day.

As for the lack of motivation, I'm still figuring out what helps me most of all. But there really is a power in just starting in on that thing you've been putting off. As a recovering procrastinator, I keep three things I keep in mind when I feel a lack of motivation.

A. Have I been able to figure out how to take 'bite sized' chunk(s) of the project or task, and complete it?

Knowing how much you can take on is key here. We can quickly become overwhelmed if we don't scale our bites to be more appropriate to our abilities and bandwidths.

B. Am I unsure of where to start with this project?

While it may seem to be an easy preparation task, it can become quite more than just that if you over think it or aren't knowledgeable or experienced about the things you will need for the project.

C. Am I worried about the end result and/or how others might perceive the finished task or project? Is my perfectionist side getting in the way of a completed task/task list/project? Or could it be, that I'm unsure or uncomfortable with preforming and/or producing the necessary things to complete a given task/task list/project?

Often times for me, it's more than just one of these things, that are keeping me from starting and/or completing a task/set of tasks/project.

I've been this way for a while and i can feel my friends drifting away. Good shit.

yes

Thanks to my anhedonia, this happens with regularity.

Not to pimp out my YT channel, but I made a video this year focused around low energy, low engagement tasks one can do when we have one of these crummy mental health days. Linking it here if anyone's interested.

Every damn day..

This sums up a lot of my life recently.

I thank thats depression. Or ADHD.

Not sure I ever existed any other way, hence long history of self medication. But I'm learning schema therapy at the moment and using Lemmy to talk about concepts helps to solidify them so here's some unsolicited advice.

Shame is never going to be conducive to getting out of that cycle. You can't self flagellate yourself out of it, but your brain might depend on shame in order to reaffirm what you think you know to be true about yourself and to stay in a familiar cycle.

Schema uses a model including 'neurotypical critic' to simplify all these messages we internalise from a society that focuses on optimisation and productivity. Beliefs we form about ourselves that typically solidify by the time we're 5 years old.

Won't lie. I've got a little wiggler in my life. I never feel ennui anymore.

It's definitely a struggle to find free time for personal hobbies or even just mindless recreation. But I'm also spending a lot more time at the park or the local running trails, playing catch and tag, eating ice cream, playing fetch with the dog, dancing to loud music, reading books, and just kinda roughhousing with a bundle of endless energy.

It's not for everyone, obviously. But what you might really need is someone else to do the things you love. Hobbies without peers or mentor/mentee can feel hollow. Collaborative projects generate their own kind of energy and momentum, as you get to aim bigger and tackle more complex problems without being overwhelmed by overspecialized minutae. And teaching someone else the basics is a great way of reviewing/practicing what you already know without it feeling boring or mundane.

I've been in this cycle for decades.

Oh hey, that sounds a bit like my cursed cycle of Cognitive Entrapment. I fall into it involuntarily every time I lose my job and can't find a new one. (This slop is worth reading I promise:)

I see that you, too, have ADHD

I'm currently in a mode of not being like this for the first time since the start of 2024, and whilst things are going well, i'm really worried about cresting this particular hill and beginning the downward spiral yet again.

Discipline. Do the thing even when it sucks.

Motivation isn't real. It won't fall in your lap and push you off the couch.

Commit to doing a thing every day. Even when it sucks.

Motivation isn’t required

Hey, I get things done. Just less of the things I really should get done, or have been on my mind for months. I'm constantly mildly furious.

You mean this isn't just the human experience?