the church of satan doesnt really believe in the devil, it would be the other cults, like the satanic temple which different the church affiliation.
this post was submitted on 01 May 2026
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Hey my old flock. When I was a cringy internet atheist. Now I'm just an atheist that stop feeding an addiction.
The CoS’s Twitter account is fantastic to watch. Absolute riot. It’d almost convince me to make account again.
For the uninitiated: The Satanic Temple are the politically left-leaning ones who use satire to expose the hypocrisy of Christian fundamentalism, whereas the Church of Satan are basically ancaps who believe in magic.
Satan is like... so much cooler than God. Sorry not sorry
If you're like... bored on a Friday night... you're not calling Jesus, you know what I mean? You hang out with Jesus at the soup kitchen, but Satan? Satan's knocking on your window at 3am, Dodge Challenger on your lawn, beer in one hand, keys in the other like "You wanna take it for a spin, bro? I know a cool party downtown and the bartender owes me his soul, so we drink for free", you know what I mean? You don't come across a Satan all that often. You must cherish Satan, you know? Enjoy him while he's still around. Cause Satan? He goes where the fire's burning, you know? One day he might be gone and you'll be kicking yourself.
I dunno, Jesus is all about turning water into wine, flipping tables, chillin with hoes, and generally being nice to people. Sounds like some chill surfer dude energy
I always got lefty Redneck who's just a tad bit unstable vibes personally. Reminder he spent like a day crafting a whip for his table flipping excursion, also the whole sell your cloak and buy a sword quote. Also while the term carpenter is generally accepted broadly the ancient Greek term could also be used for general laborers, which seems more aligned with Rednecks to me. Well that or some Mexican-Americans I've known, but regardless you are either being called a bastard or a pendejo.
I think of Satan more as the Patrick Batemans of the world, and Jesus more as the Dude Lebowskis...
It should be clear which one I would rather hang out with...
Love this without the drinking and driving. But still love this.
Also, I can have a gay relationship with Satan to get our buttbaby delivered by christmas critters
Reminds me of Little Sunshine
I do enjoy me some Ghost. Deus In Absentia and He Is are probably my favorites. Monstrance clock and Missionary Man are great, too.
And let's hit a few kids and granny on the way to the bar, I wanna see how this car hold's up.
I'm just fooling around, cause your post is reallyentertaining to read, but I'm guessing you're american if your idea of fun implies a car.
If Christians sincerely believed in Satan, I have to assume far fewer of them would be soldiers, sex pests, and sleazeball businessmen.
The problem is they think they have the magic words, the "get out of jail free card", to skip out on that.
Which all conveniently ignores the Sermon on the Mount, especially the Sheep and the Goats.
That parable specifically says that belief alone is not enough if you don't also act on it to make the world better, further saying that if you ignore those in need, you're going to hell.
It also ignores James who explicitly says that you need works and faith. That particular passage seems to be a direct response contradicting Paul who strongly asserted that it's just faith. Which makes it really fun for Christians who claim the Bible is inerrant or that if there are any issues, they don't affect theology.
Oh yeah, they're wrong even according to their own questionable religion, but that won't stop 'em.
MAGA?
What do you call people who worship literal Satan?
Metalheads.
Luciferians.
Except their Lucifer is not exactly the same as the Satan of most American Protestant Christians.
Arguably sort of similar to how Muslims have a different version of Jesus, or how Protestants and Catholics have a different version of Mary.
... But American Protestant Christians are on net, very stupid, intolerant and incurious, and also highly fractious, and have a million different versions of what they all claim to be the same exact beliefs... so... close enough, I guess.
Satanists != Luciferians.
Yes and no. Luciferians do not believe in a literal Lucifer as either a deific, angelic, or demonic being. It's not a religion at all. It is a philosophy that honors and celebrates the ideals and characteristics that are attributed to Lucifer, as a literary/cultural figure. There is no worship associated with it. They just think that Lucifer, as the rebel of God's tyranny, as the light bringer to humanity, is pretty based. Also, while some conflate the two, plenty treat Lucifer, the light bringer, and Satan, the deceiver, as separate entities and do not venerate the latter.
My friends.
Then what do you call people who are generationally good at football/soccer but are ugly in statue form?
Your... mom?
I'm just gonna throw a yellow card and also declare this entire comment chain an own goal.