- Divorce is a sin, so if they are trying to get hardcore religious and lecturing people, they need to handle their hypocrisy first.
- Get them more involved in their current religious organisation instead of the cults
this post was submitted on 30 Mar 2026
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Isn’t divorce only a sin for Catholics who don’t get it annulled? I thought divorce was more acceptable among Protestants
I'm assuming the more hardline you go, the harder the rules get.
My parents got divorced in 1981. My mom was raised Pentecostal (the Tammy Faye Bakker kind, not the long skirts kind), and she was intermittently ultra-involved in the church.
During one of those times (in the mid-'90s), she came to the understanding that she could never remarry because the only "biblically acceptable" reason for divorce was unfaithfulness. Since that wasn't why she and my dad got divorced, dating anyone else would be considered adultery. So she swore off dating.
To be fair, I don't know if this is something that came from the church or something she came up with on her own. I just remember thinking it was pretty ridiculous.
So whether it's official church doctrine or not, I do think that the more extreme the church, the more extreme the rules are.
So, technically, divorce isn't the sin. Getting involved with another person, however, is adultery. You can divorce, and, if the other person isn't Christian and divorces you, you can even remarry (Pauline Privlidge). Generally speaking, the Church advocates for seperation instead of divorce in cases such as abuse.
Would depend on their organisation, some wacky organisations do exist. It's best to get involved in a mainline established Church - heck, even conservative offshoots in the USA such as the ACNA or the PCA would still try and level their head more.
Divorce is a sin, so if they are trying to get hardcore religious and lecturing people, they need to handle their hypocrisy first.
Some religious cults will pressure divorced people to remarry their original spouse, regardless of the reason for the divorce.
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Most people join cults for community and structure and answers. There's resources like https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-mind/202104/the-definitive-guide-helping-people-trapped-in-cult and https://www.peopleleavecults.com/post/help-cult-involved but I think the general idea is stay calm don't crash out when talking about it, help them notice the manipulation techniques being used that are common to cults, asking questions that help undermine indoctrination and inspire more skepticism, and provide alternatives for the reasons they are wanting to join or stay in a cult without the manipulation and lies a cult requires to exist.
They've always been religious but like in the sane way.
They're probably not in a cult if they're still going to the previous Church. Likely a mental episode of somekind. If they got more involved with the Church that they were sane in, it might help.
Ex-cult member here.
The only thing that snaps someone out of that spiral is an internal realization. There's nothing we as outsiders can really do directly. Engaging with their version of reality (Christian evangelicals specifically) feeds into the prosecution complex and perpetual victimhood that validates their position. It's a self-defeating tactic to confront them directly.
Focus on positive, normal, consistent interactions. Share your regular, everyday triumphs. If your lifestyle comes up in conversation, express being satisfied with it. Decline going to church with them. Don't debate their stances on doctrine if you share a root faith. Deflect and redirect.
And above all, unless they are actively abusing you, don't abandon them. That'll seal them in and you'll never get them back.
Ex charismatic case here:
As others have pointed out=> they have to figure it out, you can only help and wait it out.
They preach it themselves, be patient, show your life and wait. Same goes the other way.
The difference is that they are in a trap so to speak. They can’t back out because that triggers the fear of hell (it’s a one way street).
If they make it out it’ll probably be because their god has let them down for the millionth time on important issues. Be there for them in those moments and show them that life goes on outside of their bubble. And that life is good there. They’re in for a dark ride.
If it comes down to debating the matter: be careful. A good gotcha can feel like a small victory but it can also cut you out of their life. Or only embolden them to look up more fringe and whacky theories.
From my experience it’s probably more effective to dismiss such debates. Show them you care about them as a person and not their religion.
I dearly dearly wish you all the strength and love you can use. I hope they make it out.
give arguments for why you believe Jesus was a homosexual
They've always been religious but like in the sane way.
Telling them that they should've addressed this sooner isn't helpful to OP right now.
You don't. If their mind is already primed to fall for this nonsense, there isn't much you can do to help them.
Convert to Islam
Unfortunately, as a child, you can't do anything else than getting the fuck out of there as soon as possible. If you have lil' bros and sis', you have to take them with you, else they'll destroy their minds as well.
Save yourselves.
Encourage them to seek therapy instead?
Tried that, they don't like therapists because they don't think any therapist could ever "understand them like God can"
When I was looking at potential therapists, there were more than a few that slapped their Christian beliefs right there on their website and made it a point to state that they integrate their faith into their therapy, so there are probably options like that available to them.
I'll look into this, thanks!
Agreed. And try to frame it as an addition to their church support not a replacement.
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Hmm. Is it likely that a person becomes religious after they divorce?
Its likely after anything life changing happens to a person especially if its negative.
Gotta have a reason and all that.
sounds like they are projecting, thier divorce has to be against thier religion, taboo pretty hypocritical.
Leave as soon as possible.
Personally, I think your parents should be allowed to make their own decision about what religion and/or spirituality they want to adopt.
The reason they’re gravitating toward the religion is likely because the divorce has left them with an emotional hole. They’re finding love and compassion in the message of the religion, and probably some more compassion and companionship from fellow members of the religion.
While the message from the leaders may well be a ruse to hook people and get their money, the perceived benefits and actual fellowship are going to be hard for you to compete with. Especially so if you’re approaching it from the “all of you are batshit crazy” angle.
I think if you really want to help your parent, the best option would be to find a way to provide them even more love, compassion, and companionship than the church gives them. Then they might consider listening to your opinions on organized religion at some point later down the line after they’ve had time to heal from the emotional trauma that comes with divorce. This may also be a good strategy to help yourself if you’re feeling affected by the change too.
If they're Christian:
Matthew 5:32 ESV
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
They've always been religious but like in the sane way.
Try and encourage them to stay in a Church if it's a well established sane one. Maybe get them to go to fellowship events there or meet with friends. Isolating themselves is the worst thing for them.
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Spirituality is healthy when it isn't exclusionary. Unfortunately it too often manifests as dos and don'ts, haves and have nots.
Dont quote scripture at them. Approaching an emotional challenge with a logical solution is never well received. The other side just assumes you don't understand what they're going through. This isn't a debate for one side to win. This is a (midlife) crisis of meaning and one's sense of morality or righteousness. Perhaps they feel the divorce was not in line with their religious beliefs and looking out for fault in others (as unhealthy as it is) is how they're trying to find peace.
It what context are they lecturing? Is it due to people they're directly interacting with or social media?
I can tell they want emotional support through all this and usually that's really easy to help them through because all I need to do is sit and listen to them go through the grief while giving input if they ask and stuff but when they suddenly lurch into the Repent Session it's like a completely different conversation is happening.
Any interaction, real-life or social media could trigger it. Like if they see a testimony of someone's divorce story on tiktok, or if they got bad service at a restaurant, and especially when dealing with the legal process and settlement. And most of all when the televangelists are on TV or social media.
[Edit: There was an anecdote here but I feel like that might be over sharing, removed it]
You may want to deflect with a simple "I'm not going to judge someone for doing their best" or something similar
I don't believe in any of this shit - but your mom does, so that's how we have to approach the problem. If religion got her to this point, religion can dig her back out of it.
"Mom, I want to talk about God. Like, a serious talk about serious stuff. I'm concerned that you are trying shoulder a HUGE emotional and spiritual burden right now, all by yourself. It's too big a load. You need to put some of it down.
All this sin around us? All this evil? It's what God wanted, right? God created all of humanity and, through Satan, put sin in their hearts.
But after thousands of years, God saw that humanity needed a broader message, a message that could be understood by all people of the world, not just the Israelites. So he sent his son with an update. And Jesus tells us to take care of those things within our power and leave the rest to God.
Mom, for your own sake, please think on this. Pray on it. Talk to your friends at church about it. God doesn't want you taking the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's too much to bear."
Maybe grab a Chrisian bible and show her the following, she'd probably love it if you did a little bible study with her:
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV): "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you".
Psalm 55:22 (NIV): "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken".
Psalm 81:6 (NLT): "I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks".
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV): "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'".
Isaiah 10:27 (KJV): "...the burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and thy yoke from off thy neck...".
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV): Encourages prayer over worry, promising that God's peace will guard hearts and minds.
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