this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
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[–] BeanisBrain@hexbear.net 42 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This book being the foundation of Western morality explains so, so much

[–] chgxvjh@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago

Belgian Congo vibes

[–] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is something brace would do as a bit

[–] MayoPete@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago (2 children)

The Bible is a book of bits that people don't think are bits

[–] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago

Iron Age cumtown

Some of them are bits of literal dick flesh

[–] MeetMeAtTheMovies@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago

They’ll show the foreskin bag to children but god forbid David smooches Jonathan

[–] ConcreteHalloween@hexbear.net 26 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I remember as a teen watching some live action movie about the life of David and there was literally a scene where he shows up with a bloody bag full of foreskins. He didn't take them out and count them but he did drop a dripping sack of bloody dick skin at Saul's feet.

[–] BoxedFenders@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago

bloody bag full of foreskins

I probably would have gone my entire life without ever seeing that combination of words if I never stumbled into this thread.

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago

Dudes rock?

[–] anonochronomus@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Whoa. I'm 30 years old and was educated in the parochial school system (Catholic schools, aka segregation academies) and in all those years of mandatory religion class (preschool thru highschool) had never heard this one. I had to look it up. What a fuckin weird thing to request.

[–] oliveoil@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

When I was younger, I read the bible of my own initiative (as an Atheist), and I remember this as:

The guy requested something ridiculous as a fuck-off fuck-you, and then the guy massacred like a 100 people and actually ripped their dicks off, and then the guy was like - shit - uhhh, let's not piss this guy off. A deal's a deal.

And then religious people start talking about the symbolism of foreskin removal an piety, and this righteous warrior undergoing a heroic divine challenge to win the girl.

And I thought, did we read the same book? They don't read the book, they have snippets selected for them in church, and someone chooses for them how to interpret it.

[–] Salem@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago

The Talmud discusses this, as that was the price of the dowry to Michal(?), to wed Saul's daughter. The foreskins have no value, but the caveat is that it has value as dog food. (The internet says it's in Tractate Sanhedrin 19b, although I don't know how reliable that is but I knew it was in there.)

It was indeed a way to get David killed, since Saul was losing his grip on his sanity because he was being tormented by a prophecy and an evil spirit that fed and exacerbated on his own internal weaknesses.

The character of David is meant to represent what being a warrior with bloodlust and desensitization to carnage would be like if they directed their energies towards service of God, which religious scholars & tradition contrast it to Esau, Jacob's firstborn, who also shared David's temperment but used it for evil & self indulgence.

[–] anonochronomus@hexbear.net 13 points 1 day ago

I tried to do the same thing at around 13/14 years old. I couldn't get through all of the old testament (torah) because it was full of absolutely insane nonsense. When I got tired of reading the super weird rules about sex and incest I decided to skip to revelations and call it quits.

After figuring that catholicism was pretty weird and whack I landed on atheistish zen Buddhism and did that for like a decade. I have since take the shahada and converted to Islam.

[–] Nopeace@hexbear.net 26 points 1 day ago (2 children)

That's a a lotta foreskin!

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah but he gained like 6 levels doing all the farming

[–] Nopeace@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

Better than the kill quests in vanilla wow. I'm still looking for that last zeevrah hoof to this very day obama-sad

[–] Big@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you have a foreskin, I'll snip it!

[–] Nopeace@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

I LOVED this movie as a kid. The homie had a copy at a sleepover one night and we could not get enough of it, as is expected from like 8 year old boys hahaha

[–] tamagotchicowboy@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago

This is no joke grind quest mechanic

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago
[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago

The planning and thought process of comissioning this art as something of pride in a kids book...visible-disgust

[–] Commiechameleon@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago

Is this borderlands 4? Or is this gonna be in 5?

[–] AntifaSuperWombat@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)

You don't need to kill them to get their foreskin though. Seems a bit over the top that way tbh asa-brow

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It was to prove that the people he killed weren't Israelites. The foreskins weren't the objective, murdering neighbouring people so that they could expand was.

Killing newborn Israelites and then telling the king: "Ha ha. Look! Those Philistines all have tiny penises. Isn't that funny?" think-about-it

[–] BoxedFenders@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wonder if he tried asking them nicely first?

"Hey, bro. Can you help out a homie by giving me your foreskin, so I can get some pussy in return?"

Ahhh, so THAT'S where they got that one quest from in WoW: Burning Crusade. Fucking Zangarmarsh, I swear to God.

If this happened in the DC universe he'd be a hero (villain?) after this known as The Foreskinner