Trans

I came out to my D&D group and it went really well! Everyone was super supportive. I thought they would be but it's still a huge relief!

It was amazing! I've chosen my friends really well. I came out to 7/8 close friends, who are really the only people about whose acceptance I really care. And everyone of them didn't for a single second doubt my experience and made perfectly clear, that they'll support me on my journey, however I want to proceed. Only one friend to tell left, but there really isn't any fear left of how she'd react. Before I've been rather anxious I'd find out there are bigots among them, but they've proven me wrong <3. It feels so incredibly good right now to realise I won't ever have to wear that fucking man mask again, at least in front of them.

Good news: I finally figured out the best way to masturbate with My new crotch!

Bad news: eepy sleepy all the time. Not sure what the cause is. Hope it's not sleep apnea

Still waiting for my trans-mission fluid to be sent. I think she must have gone on holiday or something.

I had a great day and a terrible day. Great day was going out to queer campy cabaret, in girl mode in public for the first time ever, and I had an absolute blast. I got heartfelt compliments from total strangers, met new friends. All in all a great first time out.

The next day, hungover, no makeup, no wig, felt like I was stuffing "her" back into a box. Miserable. Today feeling drained and flat, full of fear, impatiently waiting to start hormones.

My biggest fear is that for some reason my body will reject the hormones and I'll be stuck in it because I'm just not trans enough or some shit. I think that probably doesn't make much sense but it was all I could think about today.

Had a big cry. Talked to my wonderful friend @jamie_veal@feddit.org about it. Feel a bit more level again now.

Went on stage this week for the first time since surgery, and even in another city! It was pretty cool though the audience was comparatively cis and as a result my text about surgery wasn't as well received as it could've been. Still had two people come up to me afterwards to say they liked it a lot and had fun, so it's a win in my book! It was almost a two hour train ride each way and I'm happy I can do stuff like that again. It was pretty straining though and I had to spend my weekend recovering! The rest of the week was rather uneventful and pretty sleepy. I've been watching house of the dragon and like it a lot!

Basically planning the administrative hellhole to be able to get my hormones and others things covered (mostly covered) for my transition. Since I've have not a great reaction to benzyl Benzoate from the DIY EEn. For now I have to accommodate to the inflammation it gives me at the injection site and probably guide the doctor apprently friendly but she doesn't know much about transition.

I think I will give out my second vial to the local trans association for someone in need. Still hard for me to train my voice though. I don't find time except in the car going to work. Can't help to feel like I sound silly when I try to speak with my "feminine" voice.

Been a rough week. Broke up with my partner of almost 6 years, and been questioning my identity. I don't know how to figure that out. Fortunately, at least in regards to the breakup, I have some really good friends to talk to and hang with. Also found out my sister and niece will be moving in here next week and that's going to be a nightmare. I need to move out but I have nowhere else to go and no job yet. It feels like I'll never be able to get a job. My depression has been worse, even with the meds. Ah well.