I was watching the news and they said Sauron was just joking.
this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2026
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They said Sauron could increase how much gold I could sell my bread for at the market. I like money, seems like a good thing to me. Something to do with a tow-riff? I dunno, I'm just a baker.
TOE RIFF. That's a toe riff.
If you vote for Sauron he'll provide you with a bard that can play the mandolin with their toes.
Which will attract more customers.
Also he'll drive out your competing store keepers to further lift your profits.
Sauron promises to only hurt people you want to be hurt.
A vote for Sauron is a vote for prosperity.
MMGA
Make Mordor Great Again.
By competing store owners, I'm assuming you don't mean Barry. Barry's a cool guy, we trade sourdough starters sometimes. You said "only people I want to be hurt", so I assume Barry'll be fine. Sure, I'll vote Sauron!
Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, Sauron knows Barry. Yeah, no problem. Again, Sauron will only hurt the people you want to be hurt. Don't delay, vote Honest Sauron today!!
Coming up next: Sauron's Board of Peace - Curse or blessing for Middle-earth? Our correspondent Gríma Wormtongue knows more.
“How this is bad for Biden.”
Let’s see how the appeal plays out in the lower courts first
Voters didnt go out because the only human in the fellowship group was a paladin. Sauron proceedes to own the humans for the next few centuries.
You spelled Trump wrong.
The Hobbits are making signs to protest in the Shire, and writing angry letters to each other in an attempt to stop him.
Much like in real life, the vast majority of the Hobbits had no fucking clue what was going on outside their bubble or that anything was wrong until Sharkey and his ruffians showed up.
And even then, they had to have well traveled, brave Hobbits call them to action.
Congrats! You got the joke, but still somehow missed it.
I'll give it a go...
Donald Paedo.
Shit, I'll give it another go...
Donald Child Rapist.
Oh, FFS.
Ok, here goes a few quick fire attempts...
Donvict Drumpf...
Obese orange buffoon.
The tangerine toddler.
The 'Phantom' PantsShitter
Painted geriatric imbecile.
Dementia riddled wannabe dictator.
Jeffrey Epstein's best mate
E Jean Carroll's rapist.
President Daughter fucker.
Mr Failed reality TV star.
Worlds most bankrupt president.
Twice elected unregistered sex offender.
Putin's stooge.
Mushy brained narcissistic 'man'baby.
That disgusting treasonous kiddie fiddler...
Sorry, I can't spell it either.