this post was submitted on 06 Dec 2025
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Here's a run down of how i got to this point. quickly prepped for the 100 year war with france, kicked it off and took the French crown in five years. marriage-maneuvered Portugal to gain the claim throne war justification then roflstomped them with France's help. spent a few decades carving Scotland up like roast haggis while fending off western HRE coalition wars between truces. Finish conquering Scotland, feed the land to one of my puppet domains to keep the perfidious scotsmen from rioting too much. spend more decades solidifying my control of Belgium, developing the economy, generally being chill. start exploring the world via exploration and stealing maps, decide to set up tiny colonies on the islands south off of Africa to expand the range of exploration I could do. notice the damn spaniards start competing with me for the island colonies. It's fucking on, you damn Castilians. notice they're actually one of the few nations friendly with me after the decades of roflstomping the coalitions, and its heir coincidentially is around the same age as mine for me to take their throne like I did with the frogs. Portugal declares war on them before I could get the claim, worried that the window of opportunity would lapse if the war took too long and fully committed to helping the Portuguese take back their (AI mine) lost land. Barely make it out of the war with like 4 months before the claim lapses, only way to take the throne is by breaking the truce and taking a stability and rep loss. If you're basically America but in the 15th century, who gives a shit! play ball! steamroll the Spanish because it's basically back-to-back wars right after they got crushed by the Anglo-French-Portuguese alliance, and now they're a part of that same alliance. leading to right now as of this posting.

Currently Bohemia, with the HRE at its back, is the military and economic hegemon and probably the only power that could give me a run for my money. I'm thinking now that I've essentially got the both Spain and France as my attack dogs to watch over the mainland while I hide on my shitty british island behind the navy, I should spend a century or so slowly work on economically developing, annexing my subjects and the other kingdoms, and working on digesting them to become world power number 1. I might try and also get hungary into the union too so I can shove a boot right up those czech dogs arse when I'm ready to rip them to shreds. After all of that, I have no idea. it's just a long wait to see what the end is like.

Also if I can make my own protestant schismic split, I'm totally going to roflstomp rome for excommunicating one of my kings during the hundred years war then excommunicating another one of my kings when it was the schism period.

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[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You'll finish intergrating them round the HOI 4 start date

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

max out diplo spending and create a ton of one province vassals (don't make them fiefdoms because they can make separate peace in my patch it's probably a bug or some unexpected mechanic) and enforce culture on them. you get a good amount of tax and if you give it a decade or two they convert their province themselves and you can diplo annex them later. you'll get a nice swarm too.

extremely slow but in order of decades rather than centuries. the only cap on it is that your overall vassal strength shouldn't be more than yours otherwise they'll become disloyal.

[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

wait how do you make the vassals out of your PU's land? seize land?

[–] daniyeg@hexbear.net 1 points 1 week ago

yeah just yoink their land. it might've been fixed though idk

[–] thelastaxolotl@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

super imperialism incoming

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

is it really imperialism when you're hellbent on introducing superior British cuisine to the rest of western Europe, and eventually central Europe?

[–] thelastaxolotl@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

by the way if you get cultural hegemon, you get the ability to ask countries to adopt english culture, only cost favors, also you can culture convert whole regions too

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago

coincidentally I got it like a few minutes after posting the screenshot. now I'm forcing the Belgians to eat smack barm pey wet

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

they're not colonies, they're Champagne Domains. See even Champaign agrees with the British Crown!

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

it was meant more as an insult to portugal/castile who are historic colonizers as in wow good job lil guys you're so good

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

TRUE! Its even funnier that I managed to stomp France, one of western europe's historic great land powers, with the more puny british army.

now the colonizers shall be the colonizees.

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

what version are you playing on?

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

the most recent update I believe

[–] take_five_moments@hexbear.net 2 points 1 week ago

I've been playing 1.0.10 and the AI aggro is wild. Once ur done with that run try out the beta.

[–] somename@hexbear.net 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's really sad that you basically can't integrate PUs in Eu5 right now.

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago

I mean you can do it the painfully slow way, annexing them then slowly integrating sections of them. either that, or annex the big ones to form smaller vassal domains that'll convert the locals for you while keeping things somewhat manageable for you.

Belgian here. We should integrate all latin-speaking into a Latin grassroot federation imo.