Sr Engineer here, 15 years experience

I'll level with you, I'm all for fake it till you make it, it's part of our jobs. Imposter syndrome is real and can be a struggle because we are smart, we are capable

However, there's about a dozen red flags going off around this gig that are largely unrelated to you. A few of them I noticed

• The firm hired a Jr, it's no secret that you're a Jr. A common practice from firms is to label them as Srs even though they are not qualified. They do this frequently so they can charge more. Your firm put you in a position that you weren't ready for. That's not your fault. (I was labeled a Sr by my second firm after 2 years of experience. I thought it was a compliment. It was not. Looking back I was wildly Jr)
• I don't see any actual process in the development - not even waterfall. This leads to exactly what you're feeling - stress, unsure of what work you're supposed to be doing, unsure of timelines, unsure of who even you report to or who the feature is for.
• No one gathering requirements. It's true this is a skill I expect my engineers to have. My senior engineers. A Jr fresh out of college I would expect to be teaching them things like requirements gathering - but at the same time I'd put you on a team with a strong PM to help you get started.
• Your firm knows you are struggling and isn't doing anything to help. This is the biggest red flag. I've worked with great firms. I've worked with firms like yours. Let me be clear. They are not working with you, they are not helping you. You provide them a service and they honestly don't care how the project goes - they get their money as long as you stay at that company.

Dude(tte), I hate to tell you, but the best thing is to start searching for something new. I'm not saying within your firm, I'm saying a whole new gig completely. It's going to feel wrong, like you're burning a bridge, but from what I read they're setting you up for failure. Take it as a lesson, know your limits. This is one of those things that we all have learned the hard way. (For example, in every interview I do now I ask "What is your development process like" and "What is your average workload")

I'd stay there for now, but job hunt behind the scenes. Learn what you can, failure the best teacher is, but move on. It's not you, your firm set you up for failure.

Let me know if you need any advice, I contracted for my first 8 years and I've gone through what you have. Always happy to talk about shitty consulting firms.

None of this is your fault, this is your company being garbage. Putting you in charge of all these responsibilities with a ~year of experience is a big red flag. Your project manager asking you to estimate your percentage work done is also ridiculous - people can barely get decent estimates with fully-dissected agile pointing, so I'm not sure how a "project manager" thinks that your guesses are useful data. If you're not getting paid at least 6 figures right now you should hop to another job immediately. It won't look bad on your resume to hop from your first job after a year and a half.

I personally wouldn't stay with a company like this even if they paid fairly because the culture is borderline toxic/manipulative. I wouldn't recommend you stay but the only reason I see in favor of staying is that you'll learn a lot really quickly - at the expense of your mental, not being paid fairly, and potentially being fired.

Being honest is never a bad thing, even if the short term effects are unpleasant, tell your manager that the project is overwhelming you , and that you need help.

Remember too. One has to define scope and one has to push back too and resolve the difference between the ask and the doable. Projects always have a triple constraint... Spec, time, money. Plus the 4th unmentioned constraint, risk. The point of project management is to resolve these.

On a personal level you have to know what your willing to do and not willing to do, and the consequences and act accordingly.

There is also the other rule, under promise and over deliver.

There are people in your field who've already provided excellent advice, so I'll just add that while it's looking too late here, never ever be afraid to ask questions of your superiors, regardless of your experience level. Doing so is not a sign of weakness, insufficient schooling or being in over your head; rather, it shows that you are on board with the best possible outcome.

If you've been given a different impression by your superiors, you don't have a "you" problem here, you have a "shitty management" problem. My most recent PM-cum-department-head role was mostly anticipating both client and team needs from standard production communication and proactively removing potential obstacles from those areas, which I don't see as a boast so much as providing the minimal acceptable level of support (there were still a lot of meetings and rampant political bullshit that ate up hours).

I told my team my expectation was that they were hired because they already were proficient at the job. As such, any sort of terminology or concept misunderstanding was not a reflection of their skills, so questions were preferable to guessing. More importantly, I expected them to grow as time passed, and growth comes from one primary source: mistakes. Which I explained thusly: "I don't care how many times you fuck up so long as it's a different fuckup each time."

You appear to have no support from those theoretically charged with ensuring your success. That could be a lack of reaching out on your part, but as it sounds systemic, I'm inclined to just agree that it's time for an exit strategy. I've found that my lame-duck periods (when I've decided to start looking or already given notice) have been when I've learned the most rapidly about methodology and motives. Asking "why" when you have little to lose somehow hits differently, and you may be able to get some insights that you'd otherwise be too afraid to ask for -- and that may turn out to be relevant in five or 10 years, even in a completely different field.

Remember too. One has to define scope and one has to push back too and resolve the difference between the ask and the doable. Projects always have a triple costraint... Spec, time, money. Plus the 4th unmentioned constraint, risk. The point of project management us to resolve these.

On a personal level you have to know what your willing to do and not willing to do, and the consequences and act accordingly.

I've been meaning to create an account on Beehaw, your post was the final push I needed.

I'm a senior dev, also with 15 years under my belt. It may help with gauging what to do with my 2 cents.

You've been put in an impossible position by the firm you are working for. This is definitely not a "fake it till you make it" situation, this is a quick way to burnout. Please listen to the great feedback in this thread: this is not your fault, you're actually doing a great job by keeping your head above water. But this is not the way to start your career. What you need is an appropriate role where you can grow. This includes mentoring and space for you to make mistakes. I personally don't think you'll find that at a consulting firm. They are notorious for dropping their employees in jobs that do not match, counting on you to fix it or cash the checks until the client to drops you. Very few people will dust off and continue, I know I couldn't.

You deserve better. You deserve a place where you can be open about your abilities. You deserve a place where people have you back, this is very important. Places where this culture exists are definitely around. Your best bet to find this is at companies that have their own software product, they usually will want to invest in their employees' skills and know how to get you to a next level.

Good luck man. It'll be a little rough before it gets better, but you've got this! Keep us updated.