this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2025
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[–] FunctionallyLiterate@lemmy.ca 42 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Covenant Eyes is the app used by House Speaker Mike Johnson and his son to monitor each other's internet behavior.

Perfectly normal thing to do.

πŸ˜’

WTF? If you have to have someone monitor your net usage to force yourself to behave like a decent individual, guess what? You're not a decent individual.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Johnson puts the really racy stuff in his text messages, anyway.

[–] Nasan@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 month ago

He pays talented ASCII artists to create and text him depictions of the veiniest, thickest, juiciest barnyard animal dongs to him 3 times a day.

[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

It exclusively encourages hiding stuff. Show a decoy phone with malware reporting your behavior and use the real phone for everything else

[–] 30p87@feddit.org 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Or they just have a control and incest kink combined.

[–] FunctionallyLiterate@lemmy.ca -1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Or?" Wouldn't that confirm what I said?

[–] 30p87@feddit.org 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If, then you're kinkshaming hard.

Nah, I'm usually flaccid when I kink-shame. If I'm hard, then I'm too busy... "enjoying myself" to be bothering with throwing on the robes of sanctimony.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works -1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Because "decent individuals" don't view porn? Give me a break.

[–] snowdrop@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

Decent individuals aren’t hypocrites. If you want to watch porn, watch porn. Just don’t make a big deal about controlling other people watching porn.

[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Isn't the 38 year old son their own person? This seems weird, even if Puritans deserve all the hate they get

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 month ago

Unless dad knows it's going to come out that Junior's proclivities came from how he (dad) treated him when he was a child. It's often the loudest crusaders who are covering something up.

[–] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 month ago

They've probably got some Mike Johnson ass crap going on let's be real

[–] presbypenguin@reddthat.com 4 points 1 month ago

I'm assuming that there's more we're not getting (yet?), but I also know, in those circles, they say things like, "If a man can't keep his house in order, how can keep a church/company/etc. in order?" and that might mean finding a way to keep it under wraps and keep his son from prosecution. He failed to control his son, and he failed to game the system to keep this out of court and out of the news, so he shant be trusted.

[–] EtnaAtsume@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Yeah like, what's the son have to do with it? Can't even really say "dad raised him wrong" (not that that's a good excuse anyway but bear with me) since it's his stepson.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

It's always the people you suspect the most.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

It's for when people watch porn. Not for when they do porn. Or rape minors.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

But thank Jesus he wasn't watching porn.

[–] plz1@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Obligatory "what are you doing, stepson?" here...

I'll see myself out

[–] snowdrop@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 month ago

So predictable. Every freaking time.

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Imagine trying to come up with a name that isn't terrifying and normalizes sexually spying on your friends and family and you fucking come up with "Covenant Eyes."

[–] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This shit is creepy and abusive and we need to have No Reservations about setting that out loud

[–] Whostosay@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But won't you just think of the children

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

No, you pervert. I think of big titted goth mommies when I'm 'bating

[–] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 month ago

Covenant es is for sexual abusing people so this shouldn't surprise us anymore

[–] desmosthenes@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

it’s just cover in the dead of night. not like it’s hard to get another device..