I'm not British or Australian, but this is what I'd want.

My scotch-bonnet-munching brother took one look at this and nearly laughed his ring of fire clear off his seat.

And I just tested the hot sauce Da bomb beyond insanity. Long story short, it lives up to its name.

Its weird. Australians are badasses. Why can't they eat like badasses?

I fear my mum would find mild too spicy lol

That seems weird. All the people I know from the UK are into flaming hot Indian food so I can't imagine they would have a problem with mild salsa. And I have yet to see an Aussie fridge that doesn't have multiple bottles of extra hot sauces. I consider myself to be a wimp with hot spice - my stomach and I disagree on the matter and it wins - but even I can handle "mild". Not that I believe people don't exist (I know one or two), but that there would be enough population to make it a worthwhile sales change surprises me.

The burning they experience was nothing to do with the spices.

Spice ratings annoy me so much! I can eat one meal called flaming hot and it's cooler than another that is warm or sometimes even mild.

I can only imagine that it's just blander because "mild" here is pretty much spiceless. Hot is baseline mild spice. Extra spicy is what I think of as being spicy, and then everything above that is if you want the burn but none of the flavor.