(Atlanta, GA) As shelves fill with Christmas goods not even four months before Christmas, Christians are beginning their customary season opening by publicly denouncing the obvious attacks on the holiday, no longer even 100 days away.
“Yesterday I went to Starbucks,” said Freida Wallbang, “and there were only regular coffee cups. I asked whether they would have Holiday or Christmas cups this year, and the manager told me they won’t know for 2 months still. Like they don’t even care.”
“Also they said Pumpkin spice won’t be in until Fall actually starts, so that’s wrong, too.”
These concerns are being repeated across Facebook, and presumably other Christian conservative hotspots like church talk groups or rural reddit channels. One poster complained that the Devil’s Day (Halloween) was interfering with space for Christmas decorations, and was angered that there were even still Halloween goods at stores so close to the holiday. “How long do we have to keep talking about Halloween,” he asked, “that’s over, it’s time for angels and snowflakes here in Florida.”
Psychologists say this response is normal, and is more related to instinctive response than actual anger. “You have to think like they would… and I use ‘think’ loosely,” said one social behavior specialist who asked to remain anonymous. “They see the decorations on the shelves, and their first thought is that Christmas must be under attack again, because they are always told it’s under attack. I saw stuff out in August this year though… that’s a long time to be angry. It would make a great study if there was any grant money.”
Republicans seem to sense the danger, and Tuesday announced on fox news that people in Gaza were attacking Christmas. In a clever response, some Democratic circles have suggested that Christmas is attacked repeatedly in the Epstein Files.