askchapo

Have to face the financial facts that I can't keep working at my chill "almost but not quite a bullshit" job and go back to throwing freight nights and weekends to get anything close to 30 hours a week in pay.

Ahh... but it was a nice relaxing almost paid vacation for awhile.

Not gonna lie, my life fucking sucks right now. Wife wants a divorce. I'm technically homeless until end of October. I do have a place I am able to stay but like I don't have an address or anything. During the last 3 or so weeks, she's turned into this person I don't even recognize anymore. We've been together 15 years.

My therapist fired me.

I think I officially have a drinking problem but idk if I want to fix that right now.

PSL chapter is getting put on hold but we are hopeful for 2026.

I haven't smoked in a month and the guy at work keeps forgetting to bring his edibles for me.

I went on a mini date last night but I don't think we are compatible at all and a big takeaway from it was that I don't think I am ready for anything and even if I was idk what I want. We are still talking though(actually right now) but she's been through hell and back and has a whole pile of mental illnesses and I don't think I'm the one for her.

Which led me to realize that in every relationship I've been in, I've been the problem. Still processing this.

Last night while we were walking around after eating, my soon-to-be ex called because my kids wanted to show me their new legos. This sent me spiraling last night after I got back and I proceeded to straight up chug beer for 2 hours straight. Today I had an extremely violent meltdown at work to the point of going nonverbal. It lasted 10 hours.

Anyway I'm drunk rn and very much not ok.

still barely scraping by. finally got some meds but they're going to take some considerable time to kick in. meanwhile, while i wait for that, i'm just going to have to keep fighting and hanging in there

Honestly, pretty great. Because there is a very good chance I will be able to join a union at my job. Problem is I need my boss to change my classification for it to happen. So while my boss is vehemently anti-union, other than that he’s pretty chill and I’ve had plenty of worse bosses. I’ve also done a good job of making myself fairly irreplaceable, so I’m gonna talk with him next week and say that if he changes my classification I’ll stay in my job basically forever. And if not… well…

(I should clarify that I am currently misclassified for non-nefarious reasons, so I am asking him to change my classification in compliance with stated policy is all)

Uhhh not good.

But I ran some calculations today & I'm subsidizing my partner so much that if we decide to split after counseling I can keep my current residence and my finances will be about the same. So that's... good?

Congrats on completing the tour btw.

Had to quit therapy because insurance premiums increased along with cost of insurance. I can still afford getting my medication so thats good.

I'm burnt out as fuck at my job but I'm holding on to it with both hands because well...the economy.

I started making linoleum prints like a month ago and thats way more fun and relatively cheap than I expected so thats cool as hell. I think im gonna try and do an old maoisit poster style one next.

Thanks for making this, it helped to scream it into the internet!

Had a long and shitty work week but im playing bingo with friends tomorrow and im really excited

I'm cold eating chocolate cake and still reeling from a supposed ML unironically saying to me directly that all countries are imperialist today while calling me a campist nobody.

Trying to work out more with my legs since they've gotten weaker. Walks have helped, eating healthy fruits instead of skipping breakfast also helps. Apparently back pain/leg shit is common in my family.

Been weirdly lacking in energy and motivation these past few weeks. I'm always lacking in energy and motivation, but this time it's a lot more than usual. It's been slow at my already easy to shirk WFH code monkey job, but no amount of rest or distraction seems to refresh me. I'm doing a presentation for my job next week that has a good chance of helping me convince management to give me a promotion (my decent (for a manager) direct manager thinks I''m long overdue for one, but upper management is gonna upper management), but I can't seem to not procrastinate on it. I have a life that's a lot more secure and comfortable than most burgers, but mentally I can't seem to do anything with it.

I feel like I have some kind of anti-grass forcefield that kills any drive to go outside, socialize, and do meaningful activities that would make me feel like more of a person and, when I try to do that stuff, the psychological benefits get sapped. I've been depressed basically my whole life, but this is different than I've ever had it. I've been seeing a new therapist who's supportive and willing to try different treatments than my last therapist, so I'm hopefully gonna get better.

quit weed a week ago and its been a lot harder to ignore my intense constant rage about the country i live in. im screaming DEATH 2 AMERIKKKA at every opportunity and i dont feel like ive vented 1% of it. thinking about how im just as bad if not worse than an iϟϟraeli by living here. everything is getting worse every day and it looks more and more hopeless whether im thinking of leaving, fixing it, or just trying to make the best life i can for myself here. i feel like im living in the end times, although it might be worse if im not

Still sick. It's been a month after tensions with transfem YouTuber over "poor interactions" (actually it was her own medical condition that requires cutting connections, including banning me).

My fundraising is still running.

Had a high-blood-pressure health scare recently. On new blood pressure medication that just destroyed my appetite which is a brand new experience.

Going on a "haunted walk tour" thing tonight with a friend who's into that, while I'm an ultra-skeptic on supernatural nonsense, but that friend is cool and I like hanging with them.