I’m going through something similar now with our 4-year-old attending preschool for the first time. Yet my partner and I are extremely COVID conscious. We mask everywhere and will continue to do so ever though our oldest is in school. We understand the benefits of public schooling and its shortcomings. I’m a teacher as well. It’s a scary and hard time for us. Also an exciting and rewarding time for our 4-year-old. I’ll try to offer what advice I can.
If I were in your shoes, I would try to keep your child out of daycare for as long as possible. Especially if grandparents are willing to help. Sure, grandparents might get sick. But daycare will expose your child to a lot of pathogens, not just COVID, that the grandparents probably will not be exposed to. This is safer for the grandparents and you as well. It’s never a good thing to get sick. Yes, commensal bacteria and viruses help our immune systems grow. So expose your child to the outdoors, (some) animals, and people you trust. Your kid does not have to live in a bubble. And honestly, fuck anybody who judges you for wanting to keep your child safe from pathogenic illness. The longer you can prevent your child from getting sick, the stronger your child will be.
In regards to “socializing” your child, they’re a baby. Enjoy this time of them being a squishy lil thing. If you are providing them a safe environment where they can be vulnerable and learn kindness and empathy they will be fine. You are the most important point of socialization for them. As they get older, set up play dates and hangouts with people you trust. Don’t feel pressured into having your kid play with other kids. Your child isn’t going to “play” with other kids for a few years anyway. They want to play with caregivers right now, not peers. Ages 3-4 is when playing with peers becomes more and more necessary. That’s also the age when you should consider school. Based on your child’s readiness and maturity, it is normal for kids to not be ready for school until 5, or even 6 (though you would legally have to consider homeschooling at that point). And I’m saying school, not daycare. I’m not trying to be classist by insisting on a public or well regarded and accredited private preschool. But the vast majority of the daycare industry in this country is predatory and grossly under-regulated.
This is all assuming that you are able to keep your child at home with grandparents until then. If that isn’t possible, there are ways to mitigate your child’s chances of getting sick. Having a healthy diet is huge. If you are breastfeeding, it’s recommended to keep breastfeeding until age 2. Solid food should be varied and nutritious. Sleep is another. Many parents feel pressured into dropping their children’s naps by age 3. Kids should take naps for as long as possible. Caregivers need to eat healthy and sleep healthy too by the way. Next consider preventative measures such as nasal sprays (xylitol sprays such as Xlear are available for infants), applying petroleum based ointments inside their nostrils, testing how to swish with hydrogen peroxide or antiseptic mouthwash (please don’t do this until after age 2), and of course masking. It’s typically not safe for a child under the age of 2 to wear a respirator. But that doesn’t mean you can’t practice.
Sorry if this is kind of rambling. I understand wanting to keep your kid safe from illness and disease. In a better world we wouldn’t have to consider any of this. One last bit of hopefulness. As COVID continues to mutate, it has gotten less deadly. It will likely continue to get less and less deadly. Of course it still affects our bodies and brains in ways we don’t fully understand. However, plagues have ravaged peoples before. Plagues that have left scars on our very DNA. Human beings are resilient. If your child gets sick, they are no lesser from it. They are not diminished in their humanity from illness. Raise them to believe a better world is possible.