this post was submitted on 16 Aug 2025
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Bad Women's Anatomy

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TranscriptA tweet by steffi πŸ¦‡ ( @immortal_graves ) saying "Welp. @riverandmal found the worst "man writes woman excerpt" ever. The tweet has an image attachment saying " "Hey, baby. It's happening. I'm ovulating right now. I felt the tingling of my egg coming out." But the most obvious change to Felicia's body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits. Imagining those seeds making way into her fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb, I felt myself stiffen once more."

The tweet was posted on Twitter for iPhone at 3:03 PM, 03 septermber 20.

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[–] Skua@kbin.earth 116 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"The writer's barely-disguised inflation fetish"

Barely disguised? There's a flashing billboard with an arrow pointing at it.

[–] Lumidaub@feddit.org 88 points 1 month ago
[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 58 points 1 month ago (4 children)

"smut may only be 100% realistic. We cannot have smutty fiction engage in any fetishes or fantasies ever."

I know cis women who are into stuff like cumflation or being able to feel ovulation in a pleasurable way. This is just a twitter user self-reporting as being boring at best, puritanically anti-kink at worst.

On a side note: I found it wild that you average straight person thinks that wearing a collar, calling someone a good girl/boy and/or going "woof" in bed is extremely kinky. That's entry-level for furries.

[–] irelephant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 1 month ago

Ok, I didn't consider that.

[–] Presently42@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 month ago

This is actually a fantastic take

[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

You know what, fair enough.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 1 month ago

it's fucking harrowing to remember that normal people don't want to proclaim their love by being collared πŸ˜”

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 54 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Someone didn't pay attention at basic biology class at all

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If the writer was American, there’s a non-zero chance they weren’t taught basic biology.

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It uses inches, so it's a US American or maybe an older commonwealth country person (or I guess a Liberian or whatever the other place is that still uses stupid units).

[–] AlecSadler@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 month ago

Could be Christofascist biology which I've heard is all sorts of messed up.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 41 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Genuine lol here. How did this get past an editor that was even half paying attention? Is this self-published?

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 48 points 1 month ago

I imagine that editor just wanted rid of that manuscript as fast as possible.

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 17 points 1 month ago

You think they care that much about this type of book?

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Or it's on a site dominated by amateur authors, like WattPad or AO3

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That shit would not fly on A03. Not even in the omegaverse

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

Clearly, you don't sort ao3 by "worst"

[–] oleorun@lemmy.fan 41 points 1 month ago

"Bae, are you sure it's not the trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of flagella tingling?"

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 38 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What the - and I can't stress this enough - fuck

[–] kassiopaea@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 1 month ago (2 children)

No, no, "the fuck" comes after; not just "fuck".

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 13 points 1 month ago

"The fuck" comes for all of us, eventually

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 6 points 1 month ago

I would venture to say this is a situation where "the absolute fuck" is warranted.

Ehhh, it's just smut. It doesn't have to be realistic, it just has to satisfy the author's breeding fetish.

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 26 points 1 month ago

Just admit you have an enormous breeding fetish

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago

I'm sorry no that's not a man writing a woman, that's an alien trying to write human woman

[–] weariedfae@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

So this is actually real kinda, some women can feel when they ovulate sometimes. It's called mittelschmerz and it's quite uncomfortable. Like an aching stab. Definitely not sexy.

[–] ramble81@lemmy.zip 32 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Uh-huh… and the rest of it? Like you know, Apperantly cumming so damn much he causes her uterus to swell to the point β€œit adds an inch to her waistline”

[–] Drewmeister@lemmy.world 67 points 1 month ago (3 children)

So this is actually real kinda, some men can cum so much that a woman has to size up their pants. It's called bigolspurtz and it's quite sexy. Definitely not uncomfortable.

[–] AlecSadler@lemmy.blahaj.zone 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is so dumb and I can't stop laughing.

[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Bigolspurtz sounds like the name of wizard

[–] LePoisson@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Oh my God thank you for that laugh.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 1 month ago

großenüssen

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 1 month ago

sorry but this just made me imagine the egg being fired out of the fallopian tube like a potato cannon

thump OW FUCK NOT AGAIN

[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 1 month ago

I need eyebleach.

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

Man, it's not even 8:30 and I have read too much today.

Normally I have more tolerance for internet shit but that's enough internet shit for today.

[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago

I cringed so hard my face looked like ground zero for power word scrunch.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago
[–] ook@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 month ago

Uuugh. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 4 points 1 month ago

Bye Felicia.

seeds? become dryad?