A bidet
this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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- Wax your ass
- Get a squatting stool
- Don’t eat spicy food
- High Fiber, meaning, don’t eat anything purréd
- Try to eat a salad with lunch/dinner
- Limit or eliminate processed foods
- Limit saturated fat intake up until the point your gallbladder can keep up
- Red sauces, not white sauces
- Eliminate fried food
- Eat foods that are in a form where you can visually discern each major ingredient. (That’s kinda where the term “Whole Foods” comes from)
- Eat lean proteins like chicken/fish/Pork (not bacon)
You lost me at 3 ngl.
You don't need to wax your ass if you produce teflon grade poops as asked in this thread. I found out week long feats of uninterrupted veganism helped, so i'd argue balancing fibre intake is key. But i'm not doctor, just like the person i just replyed to.
Why no spicy food?
I think it's more likely to accelerate digestion and it can give you the runs, not 100% sure on that explanation though
Basically this. Increased gut motility from inflammation reduces the time spent extracting water from your stool, which is exactly counterproductive to the OP’s question.
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It totally depends on the individual, but jalapeños give me diarrhea every time without fail. Spicy food causes general GI upset and inflammation.
If jalapeños give you diarrhea you should try a habanero or a ghost pepper instead.
It is kind of funny that jalapeños sometimes cause my stomach to get upset, but habaneros never do.
So I just thought to duck duck go why and apparently pickled jalepenos are more likely to cause digestive issues and that matches up for me.
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I eat peppers that would make a billy goat puke, no gut issues. It's a matter of getting used to, i.e., burning out, the neurotransmitters that sense capsaicin.
People tend to think hot peppers are rough on the guts, but consider, birds chow them with no issue. No nerves for capsaicin, no problem. See? No cat. No cradle.
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High fiber and proper hydration.
I actually find low hydration is the best approach. The system removes a lot more moisture from the waste resulting in solid non-smearing packets.
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I drink hella water and eat nothing but greens, beans, and whole grains... stilly sticky as, well, shit. So there's clearly other factors at play.
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A bidet.
Interesting diet choice..
It's pretty good after the first few bites.
none, or get a bidet, but you would want to wipe for sanitary reasons anyways.
I think you missed the point.
"No wipe poops" doesn't mean you never wipe again. It means poop that leaves behind insignificant residue.
I periodicity have these, and it's a joy. There's definitely a dietary aspect to it, and moving that direction seems to be the point here.
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I think I rank this question up there with the fate of our universe and the meaning of life. It's just a scientific mystery that is beyond our ability to understand.
Regular moderate exercise and avoiding just eating mostly sugar has helped me.
Fiber and good gut biome. It can take a while to correct if out of wack.
Eat less frequently. OMAD or skip one meal. Also if you’re drinking a lot of water, supplement with electrolyte capsules (no Gatorade) to maintain optimal function. Reduce or eliminate snacking between meals.
the large intestines absorbs water, electrolytes, and vitamins. It won’t function as well if your shits out of whack.
Sugar free orange flavored metamucil. No joke. Mix up one or two spoonfuls each morning and in the next day or two your shits will start being magical.
Citrucel is also pretty great especially if metamucil gives you some gas.
If pooping was an Olympic sport, fiber would be performance enhancing.
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Fry ups make my shit come out like a greased otter. Probably all the oil.
Healthy, fibre heavy foods make a right mess, like tar. Even the travel bidet struggles with that.
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Get a bidet
Those don't taste that great though, not for my daily diet anyways..
No such thing, your own body is your own body and how it functions is entirely for you to manage, figure out and maintain. The shape of your anus and buttocks has as much impact on the cleanliness and ease of your bowel movements as your diet.
You have to follow the basics of self-care and have a healthy diet including a lot of vegetables, grains and legumes with fiber, low-fat proteins, healthy oils like olive oil in moderate amounts. Stay away from processed foods, and if you don't know what constitutes processed food, you need to learn to walk before you run. Do some searches. You have the wealth of Humanity's knowledge at your fingers.
Just don't eat fast-food, cut back on beef, learn to make beans and rice and chicken/tofu dishes and eat some fresh greens daily if you can. Get exercise every day. DRINK LOTS OF WATER EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE THIRSTY.
Will all this give you solid, clean bowel movements? No idea, in fact if you're not used to eating like this, you will probably need months to adjust to it and may have periods of loose stools or even constipation before you start having healthier, easier bathroom times. You will also save a lot of money and you will feel healthier and have more energy and may live longer. I would take all that over "no wipe poops."
If you're really struggling wiping, stop. Buy a bidet or a hand-held shower-head with a long hose and just use toilet paper to wipe dry. It's absolutely criminal that parents don't teach their kids proper bathroom hygiene and now we have a whole generation of people who struggle in the bathroom.
Thanks for the random response! Most everything you said makes good sense 👍
Nah, no problems wiping here, I just asked as a generic discussion question that I think everyone has some interest in.
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I need this answer too lol
Consistent ghost poops whenever I'm eating vegan consistently.
Mainly because meat gets swapped to beans and other high fibre options
You can get close by eating vegan.
Sorry, I don't know enough vegans to sustain my diet..
/s
Colostomy bag
I don't think they're edible
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