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I don't think it's just about sex. I'm not even sure incels think that. I think it's more about relationships and someone to share your life with. I know some people seem fine with just friends and casual sex, but I think a lot of people have a need, or strong "want," for a close, deep, intimate relationship. I know I do at least. Even if it was just about sex, sex is pretty much a human need.

Personally, I have severe life-long social anxiety (and depression), so it's always been very hard for me to make friends or meet potential partners. I have worked on my anxiety issue (medication, attempts at self help, though I could never afford therapy), and I am better than before (I used to sometimes get panic attacks just being around large groups of people), but it's still severe enough to hinder me in life in general (and noticeable to people around me).

Unfortunately, in addition to being discouraged from camaraderie and bonding, many boys and young men are also discouraged from ever developing the emotional security needed to see, or outwardly acknowledge that they are lonely and suffering from their lack of connections to others beyond sex.

They are instead taught that any form of vulnerability (like acknowledging their unmet need for connection) is weakness they should be ashamed of because it's unbecoming of a man

We really do men and boys a huge disservice :(. Sometimes you hear the idea that we should "teach men not to rape, rather than teach women to protect themselves", but I've never heard anyone talk about how in practice what that would look like, is raising emotionally healthy and secure, interpersonally competent boys, who are equipped to handle difficult emotional situations and the hormones that will show up as teenagers.

Semi related but it's actually so irritating how I have to go through life where my value as a human being is decided by how much money I make, how many girls I get, how successful I am when I could not care less about any of that, but I will get judged severely for it if anyone "finds out" that I'm not successful in... things I don't care about...

Like why is that my value to people? I don't want to have kids with you, you don't have to live my life, if it's fun and rewarding being around me why is that not enough? It seeps in even to progressive speech where people will say "clearly he gets no women" like that decides their value as a person. Very cringe. Also don't forget to downvote for minimizing male loneliness as men can't get women for the 9999th time.

I am in a relationship, but also lonely. I would like someone to share relationship-problems with for when they occur every once in a while. But it's hard.

Don't believe all the crap you see on TikTok and talk to actual people about their problems. Please.

no, make loneliness epidemic is exactly what's described in the first post. societal norms mostly hinder men from forming meaningful friendships with other men, and women as well. they're discouraged from expressing feelings (maybe other than aggressive ones) and being vulnerable. i don't know how you can form any relationships without doing either. and turns out you really can't. hence a lot of men feel lonely.

OK, but...no? That's not what people are talking about with the male loneliness epidemic. They're talking about how an inability to connect with their peers on a more than superficial level, coupled with a lack of older male role models, are causing Gen Z and Millennial men to report extremely high levels of loneliness.

It's tangentially related to, "getting laid," as many of these men are driven towards misogynistic monosphere influencers who make sexual conquest a measure of self-worth, but that's a symptom of the problem, not the totality of it. Also, some people debate the existence of the loneliness epidemic altogether, but no one defines it as, "men aren't getting laid."

Mandatory "If you're homeless just buy a house"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jh0EN1De4Q

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

As someone who spent a full seven years as a horny teenager, I'm afraid to report this is much more difficult than it sounds on paper.

But I'll spot you something that can help a lot

close camaraderie and bonding between men

Honestly, the most success I've had with women was when I was surrounded by male friends who left me feeling relaxed and confident.

Anecdotal, but I struggle with connecting with people in person. I try to do the 'be yourself' thing, the 'talk about what you like' malarkey, all that stuff. I have watched eyes glaze over and interest recede in real time simply because I answered, truthfully and wholly, the question of "what do you like to do?" To boil it down to two words that don't cover any specifics or explore any deeper aspects: experimental music. There are others, but that's the biggest hat I choose to wear.

So I've instead closed in on myself when I'm in public, especially at work. Don't speak unless spoken to, keep to myself, and just keep hands on the keyboard and eyes on the screen. And then I go home, to try to reach out to any of the local friends I do have - friends that love me and have told me, directly, often, that I'm a comforting and relaxing presence in their often chaotic and confusing lives - to try to gain a moment of in-person, face-to-face contact. Too busy, too far, they need space to take care of themselves. The last thing I, or anyone, wants is for me to be needy. I do not, and have never, faulted anyone for how they navigate their own slice of the shit pile called life they have to deal with.

But I'm living alone for the first time in my life through no choice of my own. Connecting to new people, whether it is just for friendship, or, even more unlikely, romantic endeavors, more often than not feels like talking to a brick. Not even a wall made of bricks - a singular, boring, uninspiring brick. They have no interest in what I am or am about, and I struggle to find any kind of connection to what they have to say.

So, I stay lonely. I know I'm the problem, but I don't want anyone else to help me deal with it.

I have a wife and I don't feel lonely.

But I noticed my third place "go to" places are very lonely and they were a place I use to be to socialise randomly.

Backthen: Going to the gym was an adventure, blast some weights and grab a cappucino with someone on the way out and talk about the routine, how they are progressing etc... PEOPLE TALKED.

Now? Everyone on the phones during sets, if they aren't doing that they run around with headphones and walk and use the phone,..

It's everywhere. I am not different now.

But trust me guys and ladies, it's not having no partner. It's the phones, it's the phones. If they'd shutdown the internet people won't be dating anymore and the human race would just end cause people can't communicate in person anymore.

is it ok if i don't judge my sense of manhood by the "getting laid" part ?

i'm not into judging womanhood by using male anything, and i don't see why the other way makes any more sense.