this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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[โ€“] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 153 points 10 months ago (5 children)

She ๐Ÿ‘ Is ๐Ÿ‘ Cuddling ๐Ÿ‘ With ๐Ÿ‘ You ๐Ÿ‘ She ๐Ÿ‘ Wants ๐Ÿ‘ Emotional ๐Ÿ‘ Stability ๐Ÿ‘ First ๐Ÿ‘!!!

Dunno if I used this meme correctly, but I did feel the need for it... I miss cuddling so damned much...

[โ€“] koper@feddit.nl 58 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yep. If anything, this is an opportunity for the guy to show that he's not just in it for the sex.

When I date men, one of the main things I look for is how they handle rejection.

[โ€“] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

While I'm not all that keen on the concept of testing partners (this coming from someone who can roughly be described as a cishet guy), I do agree that it is a good indicator of both maturity and intent.

Edit: what I mean by my first statement is that I don't think one needs to test their partner with anything. Just be true with yourself, say no when you feel like saying no, say yes when you feel like saying yes, and take what is given as it is given (i.e. no making excuses for them if no excuses are organically evident).

[โ€“] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 28 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't think they meant "testing" them like it's some kind of game, hardly anyone does that and yeah it's fucked up when they do.

It's just, how do they handle it when you say no, do they moan about it and act entitled or just understand you're a human being who doesn't feel like sex literally all the time. That's a real good piece of evidence to how this person actually views you and their relationship to you.

[โ€“] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Fair point, may be a cognitive bias of mine. Once burnt, twice shy and all that. I apologise for misunderstanding, and thank you for pointing it out! Truly!

And, yep, 100% behind you. I'd say compatibility in general shows best when dealing with unpleasantness, because being couch potatoes together will always be the lowest common denominator, so to speak.

[โ€“] Rose_Thorne@lemmy.zip 28 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Given it's a dream, there could be some interpretation that the OOP is craving emotional stability.

His own subconscious doesn't even want to have mindless pleasure anymore, but comfort. He denies himself because he doesn't truly want sex, but the stability of deep, emotional contact.

[โ€“] blarghly@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Also given it's a dream, the null hypothesis should be that it is completely meaningless, a random firing of neurons that occurs as the brain conducts routine maintenance.

[โ€“] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Then there are the weird dreams where you live a story organically but the end was preconcluded from the very start and you wake up while you figure that out.

Agreed, I, too, have come to believe that dreams are basically the subconscious' attempts at contextualising significant emotional conundrums or cognitive dissonances, and, if not an indicator of OP's desire for intimacy, it seems to be at least a clear indicator that their subconscious is beginning to be aware of the problem.

Such a pity that so many people who reach this emotional threshold with themselves swing, instead, to shills and bootlickers who just want to propagate any and all forms of unhealthy relationships...

[โ€“] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago

Tbf, those are not mutually exclusive. I want to have sex with someone, preferably someone with whom I have a deep, stable, emotional connection.

I do understand it takes time to build that connection, and am fine with having sex with someone before we get to that stage, but at least ostensibly that's the direction I'd like to be heading, and if it seems like we're just not going to get there we can stop having sex and just be friends or even just be acquaintances that don't really chill because we're adults and have no time but still be friendly.

I think it used to be called dating back in the day but who knows lol.

[โ€“] muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee 20 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Cuddles especially with a back scratch is better than sex ngl

[โ€“] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

F'real, I'd take cuddling with my bros over sex any day.

[โ€“] kaeurenne@lemmy.kadaikupi.space -2 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Because I think sexuality is too much to be asked for. She needs marriage, responsibility, pledge for the commitment by the man also.

[โ€“] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I think that comes down to individual preferences, to be honest. Some people, yeah, want the whole kit and kaboodle of stability before anything horizontal takes place. Others just want to establish an emotional relationship beforehand, while others are fine jumping in straight from the go, so to speak. And I genuinely think every variant is fine, we just have to take people at their word and respect their desires as much as possible, sometimes by letting each other go.

[โ€“] blarghly@lemmy.world -2 points 10 months ago

Or she's not into you and just wants to cuddle. She'll probably cuddle with her family members too, doesnt mean she wants to fuck them.

[โ€“] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 57 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Doesn't sound like a loser. Sounds like someone that just needs to ask again tomorrow and maybe moods will be more aligned.

[โ€“] SitD@lemy.lol 35 points 10 months ago

bro the problem is tomorrow's dream is probably a ww1 trench again, you don't get to pick the nice ones ๐Ÿ˜‚

[โ€“] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I had a dream once in which an ex-girlfriend from years ago who I was still in love with appeared and told me that I would never have her back so I should stop being so obsessed with her. Good advice, perhaps, but not what I feel I deserve in my own dreams...

Now that I think about it, I realize that I can't remember ever having sex in a dream. So much for dreams as wish fulfillment.

[โ€“] spirinolas@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Dude, she's the one coming on in YOUR dreams uninvited. She's the one obsessing!

[โ€“] Zacryon@feddit.org 27 points 10 months ago

Being in a consentful intimate relationship is being a loser?

Not directly having sex = losing? Sounds like a distorted and unhealthy perspective on relationships to me.

[โ€“] Outwit1294@lemmy.today 23 points 10 months ago
[โ€“] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 9 points 10 months ago

There is the theory that dreams are simulations to prepare you for stressful situations. Being exposed to rejection in simulation helps to not react... poorly irl.

[โ€“] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

What a loser.

Asking for consent then respecting the answer he's given.... Real Alphas grab them by the pussy! They like that. ( /s obv.)

[โ€“] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago

I'm guessing the loser was in reference to his advances being rejected even in his own dream.

[โ€“] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 2 points 10 months ago

replace her with him

[โ€“] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 points 10 months ago

Grab 'em by the pussy anon and then go on to be President!