zoom classes suck... i was called out today for laughing at an inappropriate time. i kinda just do that bc of the autism when im uncomfortable. so i basicalaly need to police my face and body language for 3 hours straight for basically no reason
this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2025
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disabled
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I think my period is gonna come next week so im actually preparing for it by eating fortified cereal and collard greens to hopefully feel less like shit from low iron levels
good luck comrade, i woke up to unexpected bleeding since my period is irregular as fuck so i should prob do that too 
The random bleeding when you're not expecting it is the worst 
I stained my favorite pajama pants last time that happened :(
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venting
Venting that I can not vent, I'm losing my mind, I'm isolated and the ones I've talked to before haven't helped, this is not a call for help, because no one can help, I'm stuck here, all I want is to say that I feel like this.
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I have been having nerve and joint issues (hypermobility + high pain tolerance + suffer in silence migrant war trauma family = I have been destroying my body apparently). Coming to terms with thinking of myself as disabled.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm letting my wife down. When we met I was ambitious as hell, earned great and provided for her, unfortunately burned out. Still, we got her through hard times and she has a job she loves, meanwhile I loved renoing the house and doing domestic work so I filled that role. Lately I can't really do that though.
I never begrudged helping her when she was sick, but spine degeneration has one trajectory and this isn't getting better. I'm trying to go back to grad school since my one marketable skill (programming) is something I find zero joy in. Hoping to do the masters to government pathway for a job with allowances for disability that isn't hyper competitive. At least then I can bring in some cash for the help I need/increasingly will need. Unfortunately I am so burned out even applying had me relapse drinking from the stress :(
I know it'll get easier, and she says I'm not a burden even if I can't manage the stress but still... I wish it was as easy to be as compationate to yourself as it is to others.
P.S. do people ever remember that your body is fucked/stop being surprised that yes your body is still fucked? I feel like every time I get up from a family event to lie on a hot water bottle and cry a bit people are shocked that the magic de-arthritising fairy hasn't visited yet.
sad emotional stuff
Finding myself needing to share somewhere about a woman I knew who changed my life, and continues to guide me to this day with everything she left behind. Someone gave me an old box of papers and things I hadn't seen in a long time, and finding her notes and dreams that she left, specifically for me to hold on to, after nearly 7 years, just wrecked me. I'm trying to figure out how to preserve everything with the limited resources and space that I have, but I don't know where to start. I miss my beautiful, talented, wild suffragette so much. She was a light in this world that will never be replaced.
words
the best of us always seem to be gone too soon. i'm sorry you lost someone so central to your world. it's no consolation but i think anyone would be proud to have lived a life where they're remembered so reverently and loved so fiercely, even years on. it sounds like you two were lucky to have had one another.
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I'm alive, slowly making my way back to normalcy, thank you for the well-wishes last week. Now I just gotta deal with pacing and the insane medical bills that just arrived 
. Hope everyone is hanging in there, and that the week is a good one.
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So my hoodie has been hot for me for THREE years.
I was on lotsa xanax the first time we fooled around and did not form a memory of it. Cue three years of awkwardly trying to woo over my current girlfriend. 
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I've been going out a lot more recently and its made me realize how much subtext stuff I miss 
example
Hanging out with a friend after work, just to get lunch. We pull up to the drive through and she asks how I want to pay, do I just want to put everything on her's. I say it doesn't matter to me. She asks again. I say well, I've only got a 20 on me so I can't really split it (like, she pays on her card and I give her cash for my food). She's like no, do you want me to pay for you. Ooh no, no I've got money for myself, sorry...
Hanging out with another coworker for a few minutes, he asks when I have to leave. Not for a little bit, I've got time. Oh okay, well I was just going to run over (across the parking lot to a fast food place). Okay, cya! Then he asks if I want to walk over with him 
uh yes I do, sorry I just didn't get that...
being a hater
Literally every time I leave the house or do anything something happens and I look like an idiot, I know NTs make mistakes and misunderstand but it always feels like something I really should have gotten. And its all the time :/
I do this all the time too, I get how you feel 
So glad to hear the meds are treating you well! Thanks for the new mega 
I haven't been very active here lately as I've been having a horrific hemiplegic migraine on and off for nearly a week now. The right side of my face is still numb and tingly but I feel like I can chat a bit now. I'm not having any bad after-effects of the foot surgery, it doesn't seem to be getting infected this time. But my achilles tendon is still inflamed, I saw the physiotherapist today and they told me to buy inserts for my shoes but they're £30. They don't prescribe things themselves. At least he said I don't actually have to rest it totally, a small amount of walking should be OK.
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Don't mind me, I'm just gonna curl up into a super-tight ball and breathe quietly in the corner, cool?
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i do not like night classes, my sleep schedule is so messed up because i can't sleep until like 6am because of the anxiety/performance from them 
Help the dog is back and it fell asleep.