You all love troubleshooting computer problems right? Well, we replaced everything in your car with computers so you can always be troubleshooting! Yay capitalism!
this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2025
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Cyberstuck
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A place to post your Cybertruck fails! We're here to make fun of this hunk of shit and throw as much shade as we can to that garbage bag of a human elon.
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"Hello, Tesla support? Have you tried getting out and getting back in again?"
"I can't! It's on fire and the doors are locked!"
Customer positive review identified - "This Tesla will last me the rest of my life!"
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Well, if computers worked as well as this shit you wouldn’t be using it to work tomorrow with billions other people.
Computerizing cars isn’t a bad idea in itself. Fuel injection, ABS, airbags and so mamy more features that make todays cars so much safer and less polluting all use computers to function. It’s just we live in an enshittification era.
Screens aren't a bad idea either. Displaying diagnostic values or at least error messages is always preferred to just an LED or code on the odometer. Not everyone has OBD readers.
Touchscreens, though? GTFO.
I don't even hate touch screens for the shit you need to be parked to do. For everything else give me buttons
Yeah, my parents got a Hyundai Kona last year and they've managed to balance physical buttons and a touchscreen pretty well. Hazard lights, windows, the AC, and all the steering wheel and stalk controls are physical. It's not perfect but they also looked at a Volvo EX30 and that thing was basically a Tesla copycat. I would hate to drive one of those.
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Cyberbeast... Lmao. Anything to try and make your worst purchasing mistake sound cool.
It is just the actual name for the most powerful version of the Cybertruck
The fuck?
Yeah.. a higher trim level. Much faster than the regular
Lol. “Faster…”
Yeah, with the lack of quality and attention to detail and likelihood to trap you in and burn you alive if you crash it goes horrifyingly fast. Not any faster than your average luxury car, but more deadly
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21 miles and screen absolutely covered in dust. These things must be sitting for ages and not selling. Not even a wipe down from the Tesla store.
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CyberSuck.
CyberStuck
He...he can't help you. He's the nepo baby of people who owned blood mines. He doesn't actually know anything useful. Or care about you.
Mentioning this on Twitter might bring it to his attention and since this is bad PR, he might expedite the complaint so that it gets fixed sooner. That's probably the thinking here. I've seen it happen with companies before
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It does that right before it locks you in and catches on fire
That screen is awfully dusty for a car you bought 10 minutes ago
Well, it still does have a protective foil on it and very few finger traces in the dust.
Still, the bottom corner of the film is peeling. Could have been sitting on a lot for a long time, but peeling like that after only a few test drives at most?
Edit: I ended up digging into his Twitter page and everything is legit. And I'm baffled.
Selfie:
SMS conversation with Tesla support (LOL):
Dropping it off:
"Your concern is closed."
Ahaha the garbage customer service they sell these days.
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Ahahaha, oh wow, that tech support exchange.
I'd expect the dealership to give it a quick detail before letting the customer drive away, even used car dealerships do that. But I guess when we're talking about Tesla all bets are off.
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Lmao, imagine a car not working because of a software bug. That's just pathetic.
That's... Basically every car made in the last 15 years?
The worst bug I had on my car had the onboard computer not starting, and the screen remaining black. It meant I had: no GPS, no music, no backup camera, and no parking sensor.
But apart from that, the car was driving perfectly normal, and all the other features were working as expected.
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Oh well, it sucks to be you, a Muskrat dick-sucker.
I love that people think @elonmusk is a valid technical support approach
Having worked customer support, @ing company leadership is a valid method to get escalated to the highest tiers of support
Swastidumpster doesn't really flow. We need alternatives for the cyberclunk. Anyone got suggestions?
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You just need to seig heil harder, bro
I know it’s fun to hate on the CyberTruck (absolutely has deserved it), but I’d bet money on this being a 12v battery issue, maybe from improper storage? Only reason I say this is that I have a Kia Soul EV and it gave me pretty much the exact same warning the other day and refused to start. Turned out the 12v battery was dead and that causes all kinds of weird stuff to happen to the electrical systems in the car. Especially considering that the entire electrical system of the CT is consolidated into one wiring harness.
Also, knowing Tesla, attempting to jump the 12v would probably void a warranty.
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Ciphertruck.
Cyberfuck?
Oops, did they accidentally do the remote self-destruction on a vehicle that was already sold?
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