“This isn’t Mars? You’re not martians? Ah fuck you, you’re martians.”
this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2025
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“West Martians”.
Hmm, so they were aiming for something else, but got here instead because they had crank theories about the shape of the universe? (Columbus thought Earth was egg-shaped instead of a sphere, like everyone had correctly thought since the time of ancient Greece)
They call us something translating to "the Andromidans".
I mean you don't have to go with the analogy fully, but yeah, that's a deep answer, I suppose.
Translated to English, probably “Name-of-Star” 3, as in 3rd planet from our star, same system as Star Trek. The key difference is Columbus had no idea where he was going, and aliens have to know exactly where they’re going. Can’t shoot into space and find a planet by accident.
Chances are you can find a planet by accident, it's just going to take a very long time
If we're going by Columbus logic, probably "Jupiter"
The Wet Ball of Trash
Are the aliens going to rape and enslave?
Very likely
their new colony
Probably not Alienia
Open season on the tasty meat creatures
Meat Packing Facility #173
"Planet of the money-crazy hairless apes that can't relax"
Or "Klaus"...
Water planet with cancerous hairless simian population.
Shithead
The call it "Dirt". There was a misunderstanding with the word "Earth" and it got translated to soil or dirt, so they picked "Dirt".
Salty Water Ball With Some Dirt Patches
A fixer-upper.
Probably some Italian gibberish.
Blue Marble probably