The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
Lol .... I'm indigenous Canadian and I thought the headline said 'Native Man'
Me too! I mean the reading the headline part, I'm not indigenous Canadian haha
RDRR.
But seriously, invest for retirement. It's all on you.
I'm "investing" by learning self sustainability.
I wanted to be more proactive, but school systems don't like hearing about kids who worry about climate change.
Money helps a lot with resiliency. Like a lot.
That assumes the banks survive. Cash would probably still be useful, but that assumes Trump wont go full Nazi Germany and just print more money eventually to the point of hyperinflation.
Cash won't hold its value. Investments, on balance, will. Retirement right before the start of World War I would suck. It would suck more to have no broad based investments.
This is why one of my "divestments" is non-cash valuable currency, items such as weapons / tool stockpiles, and training / knowledge. Seriously on that last one is so important if you have a day off learn how to use basic hand and power tools. Learn to cook something. Learn how basic gardening works. Take a CPR and Stop the bleed course, how to do basic electrical work, etc. You don't have to be professional at them but learn how to do them.
Best case scenario, you can be cheaper and look sexy knowing how to cook clean and repair. Worst case scenario, those are going to be worth more than Benjamins in a true SHTF scenario.
I’m always amused at the people that think they can make it through a collapse
first good infection you’re dead
You need to invest money. My recommendation is get a job and start investing.
Wouldn't investing at this point basically means betting for even larger tesla & nvidia? Since these companies comprises huge part of nasdaq.
Some years ago someone would have said the same about Apple. Years before that, Wintel. Before that, IBM. To the start of time.
What an idiot.
Hey wait that's me
I keep wondering if the incoming tech oligarchy administration will boost stock prices (because that's how they compound the billions) and that will be enough to keep us in this rut longer than we would be otherwise.
The US stock market always performs well during Democratic presidents terms and does not do well during republicans
Simple starting and ending prices don’t prove this point. Performance isn’t a simple number that you can put over 4 years because not everyone is investing in 4 year periods.
Trump had the worst crash we’ve ever had under him. Bush was also awful. Might as well ignore everything before that for being decades out of date.
Don't worry, the 401(k) will be rug pulled as well even if the future exists.