this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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Microblog Memes

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[–] GuyDudeman@lemmy.world 93 points 10 months ago (6 children)

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”

[–] socsa@piefed.social 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?

[–] Gaspar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn't doing anything.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

But like, my silence buys me a solid glance, right?

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Don't make it weird man.

[–] CooperRedArmyDog@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

Absolutly not, your scielence is what a normal person does, the glance is creepy

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 1 points 10 months ago
[–] Meron35@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

Then they stole my heart

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 5 points 10 months ago

No, it's just budgeted into the prices.

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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 77 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn't.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Best case they're going to eat it.

Worst case you can buy warm coat meat off them later in a flat roof pub so they can buy heroin.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

People need heroin too.

[–] dunidane@lemmy.sdf.org 66 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people's situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don't accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn't be able to legally drive then.

Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.

My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol... So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.

Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn't depict the intentional malice.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Nah, this one is Tennessee

[–] NounsAndWords@lemmy.world 63 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.

more laconic, more punny

EDIT :

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily

variant keeping arbitrarily

[–] ReCursing@lemmings.world 47 points 10 months ago

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

[–] Nester@feddit.uk 39 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 31 points 10 months ago (1 children)

One time I saw an obvious homeless man grab a pizza slice. He ate it in the aisle I was in, locking eyes with me. I was kind of looking through him, because he was standing where I needed to grab the item I wanted.

And as I got closer, he said, "I'll pay for it." And I had to explain, "Bro I'm just trying to get some soup I don't know what you're talking about."

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

That's the way.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

It's okay everyone, I speak jive. They said "by golly, I haven't seen anything".

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

We’re combing the desert.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 38 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I will never see someone stealing food.

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You guys ever just mind your own fucking business? I'm really into minding my own fucking business.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

For some reason, I thought you were getting furious at all the folks calling out the British museum

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 28 points 10 months ago (1 children)

These fucks think I’d tell them even if I did 😂. I didn’t even snitch on shoplifters when they were stealing from the place I worked, you do you and I’ll do me.

[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago

I did the same.

I didn't snitch on shoplifters at work and i shoplifted myself long before that.

The funny thing was, i saw another person noticing the shoplifting - they saw me too. We just nodded and went our ways.

These shoplifters had a double endorsement on that day.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Notice they used an image of wine, not a more basic foodstuff. That's called Manufacturing Consent.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 10 months ago (1 children)

hey stealing is a proud British tradition stop denigrating our traditions.

[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 24 points 10 months ago

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they're too large to fit in the British Museum.

[–] boredtortoise@lemm.ee 20 points 10 months ago

I never saw nuffin narc

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

Snitches get stitches. Don't rat people out.

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It always is amusing when British people accuse Roma of being thieves when they can't even have the English language without stealing widely from others.

[–] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 10 months ago

Stealing words can only be as bad as piracy, the original owners are not deprived of what they owned.

[–] DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You must be over 1000000 years old to see that happen

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Nah, just your humble reincarnated Babylonian horror

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 10 months ago

And with all that going for you, it's hard to be humble!

[–] Fedegenerate@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
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