43
Thanks for being open about it! How does it manifest? What's your experience interacting with other people?
No problem. I'm obsessed with how others look at me and I need constant validation and attention. I'm very driven by short term pleasure. I care more about the immediate validation and attention from others then long term relationships.
I found it hard to relate to others. Everyone else is like a secondary character or a NPC. I know this may sound bad but I found it hard to care about other people. I love my family and friends but it's hard to give anyone else attention.
Has being diagnosed helped you?
If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?
For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done.
"Has being diagnosed helped you?"
Yes, definitely. It gives me a lot more insight into myself and I now understand myself better.
"If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?"
Good question. That's for the therapist to decide. With that said it's never just one thing. It could have been a whole series of factors that let to the diagnosis. If I meet that psychologist again I'll ask him.
"For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done."
What an awful story. It goes without saying that not everyone with NPD is like that. If you don't mind me asking why was he in court?
Good question. That's for the therapist to decide. With that said it's never just one thing. It could have been a whole series of factors that let to the diagnosis. If I meet that psychologist again I'll ask him.
I was really more just curious what lead you to see a psychologist in the first place. My understanding is that’s rare for people with the condition. With the diagnosis helping you, it’s almost like you had a lucky break to be seeing a professional that most people with NPD don’t get.
If you don’t mind me asking why was he in court?
I probably can’t go too much into specifics, but that last time was primarily because he’d stopped paying child support. He was also trying to change the visitation agreement to be larger chunks but less frequent. He hadn’t been making use of the time he already had, though, so that wasn’t going to happen, and the judge actually reduced it while requiring all visitation to be in a public place or using the court’s supervised visitation program.
If he does have NPD, there might be other factors in play as well. Odds are we’ll never really know what’s going on there. We just have to try to make sure whatever happens, things stay as healthy as possible for the kiddo.
Joke question: jeez man, why you gotta make the post all about you?
Serious question: have you engaged in narcissistic abuse of anyone?
What even is "narcissistic" abuse? How is it any different then regular abuse?
It's about methodology and motivation, really.
Narcissistic abusers tend to things like gaslighting more than insults, or pushing the victim's buttons to make them seem unstable to get sympathy/attention. It tends to be about manipulation over direct abuse, though there is direct abuse sometimes.
An example would be a parent that constantly criticizes their child indirectly, by comparing them to "bad" kids, and then saying how good their child has it because some parents wouldn't put up with whatever imagined flaw is present.
Not that a narcissistic abuser never does direct abuse, they can and do. It's just that they tend to worry about appearances, so they reserve it for limited use. Like, the kid that makes a mistake in public and then gets beat at home because they made the parent look bad.
Ok I understand. No I haven't
What's your relationship with social media like? Active selfie-poster?
I use it a lot. I love when people interact with my posts or just comment. I can't get enough of it although that can be said for most people these days.
Why?
I think they're making a jokey dig at their parent, who I assume also has NPD.
I see this thing a lot. People think that anyone they don't like has NPD. I wonder how they would feel if a loved one told them they had NPD?
This is a great observation. I find it absolutely amazing how many spouses of my friends spontaneously develop NPD as soon as they separate.
It’s almost like…. there’s no disorder, it’s just anger at an ex partner, but using sciencey words is supposed to bolster their case.
This happens all the time these days. You don't feel empathy your an "empath"🙄, your mom didn't tell you to go to sleep on a school night she "verbally abuse" you and "triggered your trauma", you have an interest in something more then your average person does? now you've a "hyperfectation" ect... ect...
It's weird how "mental health awareness" MFers will completely change the record when it comes to cluster B personality disorders or the none hacking wholesome big chungus mental illness's like pychopathy, BPD and schizophrenia. Nowadays, "schizophrenia" just means weird or doing something differently and "autism" just means the same thing.
Nowadays, "schizophrenia" just means weird or doing something differently and "autism" just means the same thing.
Funny you noticed that since autism was considered schizophrenia at the beginning.
The term autism was first introduced by Eugen Bleuler in his description of schizophrenia in 1911. The diagnosis of schizophrenia was broader than its modern equivalent; autistic children were often diagnosed with childhood schizophrenia.
That's quite the coincidence. I didn't know that at the time. I was just talking about how mental illness in our society is either absolutely glorified or absolutely demonized. If you have autism your good at maths and super quirky and random but if you have ASPD then your a demon from hell. Who knows maybe autism and schizophrenia are long lost brothers.
I believe that all "mental illnesses" come from some trauma and are all just spectrum of human experience abd deaking with that trauma.
I had really bad depression and anxiety for what I have survived, but based on stories from schizophrenics I think that I wasn't too far from them. I abuse was just a bit stronger, or exisyance less secure I could have been given that stamp.
If that abuse was a bit different, maybe I wiuld end up with NPD thou I know BPD (borderline personality disorder) people have very similar to my experience, just stronger.
I am also certain, by looking at kids around me that they often use word autism for kids that are under serius trauma since mother's womb. And that's forbidden to talk about.
That is because two greatest fears people have are to die and to become crazy. So they can not even think about mental illnesses. They tag autism as state of mind and somehow they are less afraid from them.
Not one of the people I know with any of mentioned "tags" had safe and happy life.
Thank you for your comment. NPD is such a stigmatized thing to live with I wasn't expecting anyone to be as understanding. I haven't told anyone before so it feels so nice to have this off my chest.
I have family and friends and I'm always worried about how they would react if they found out. I wonder if anyone would date someone who has NPD? If you look on online all you see are articles and videos about the dangers of NPD and how people with it are future serial killers and manipulators. I'll admit I'm not the perfect person. My narcissism is a awful thing I live with but it doesn't define me. We all have our problems and mine is a mental disorder I didn't choose to have.
People use names of mental illnesses as insults, for the last few years it is NPD, before it was Borderline, idiot was clinical word long time ago.
It just means "I hate this person". But, sadly, makes your life more difficult.
I think that as long as you are aware of your problems, you will be better than before. People might be bothered by it, but there are different people too. For example emotional communication is very important for most relationships, and you claim that you feel it a bit differently. We get scared if someone doesn't react emotionally the same way ww expect.
Also, I don't go and tell my date all medical history, so you don't have neither. Just give them time to get to know you and when there is trust between you two, you can share it if you think that is important.
How does it feel to admit fault or to apologize?
It's like admitting defeat. I don't remember the last time I said "sorry" to someone tho.
load more comments
(13 replies)
What do you do for a living? How does NPD impact your work? Is it beneficial or detrimental? I imagine there are careers that would be particularly suited for someone with NPD.
I'm a cook at burger king. I don't see how NPD would affect that. It's way more detrimental then beneficial as all the benefits are imagined. I don't know if any careers suited for someone with NPD.
I'd have guessed you might have been attracted to a job on-stage. Actor/musician/...
I can see where your coming from. Who wouldn't want to be famous?
Me. I hate being in the spotlight. My own wedding made me very uncomfortable because I was the centre of attention, one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life
load more comments
(2 replies)
How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?
Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?
Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?
How do you feel NPD hurts you?
Last one, don't answer if you don't want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?
"How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?"
Very superficial and short term relationships. It can be very isolating at times. I can connect to others but only if there really close to me.
"Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?"
They don't. There just made up.
"Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?"
Sometimes I think about others like there me. I know that sounds odd but helps me understand them. I try not to make everything about my self. I listen to others.
"How do you feel NPD hurts you?"
Yes, that's what I'm trying to get across in this thread. NPD is like a drug there's highs and lows. Sometimes when something good happens I just have this feeling that I deserve it. That I'm worthy but with that there's come downs. Sometimes things don't go to plan and makes me mad because how can I be wrong? It's hard to accept there's something wrong with you because you put yourself up on a pedestal and every mistake feels like your cracks are showing. You think that everyone else is as interested in you as you are.
"Last one, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?"
I was having suicidal thoughts. I stopped seeing the psychologist cuz I lost interest.
Thank you for your responses.
Sometimes I think about others like there me. I know that sounds odd but helps me understand them. I try not to make everything about my self. I listen to others.
I don't think that sounds odd at all. I kind of remember being a kid and characters on screen were just characters, but then I'd always start thinking about what I would do in their situations. Practicing seeing one's self in others is a huge step for many people in developing empathy.
Good on you for seeking out help when you needed it. Changing thought patterns is hard. Good luck as you continue to grow and learn!
Thanks for making this AMA, I not too knowledgeable in this area so please forgive me if I am insensitive in asking this:
What kind of strategies do you employ to fulfil your need for attention, without acting rudely to others?
It’s no problem. There’s a lot of things I do/did for attention. When I was younger I used to take the wildest drugs I could get my hands on and brag to my classmates. I use social media a lot and I've got some friends that I use. Nightclubs and bars are good. There's always a lot of attention to get from there.
Ever since I was a teen I've found my self being very promiscuous. It's the best way to get attention from others.
Was there anything your psychologist said that stuck with you, or framed things in a helpful way?
load more comments
(1 replies)
Do you work on letting other people have the spotlight or do you always feel the need to be the centre of attention?
I suppose it's not just letting others have attention but it's not competing with others for attention. @Misspelledusernme@lemmy.world said something about people with NPD being attracted to the entertainment industry and I can see why. You get the attention you want and your already used to constantly competing for it.
Have you had relationships? How do they go?
Yes I have. When I was 14-15 I Dated a guy for a few months. It got old quickly. We stopped caring about each after a few months. When I was 19 I dated a guy for a few months but again I lost interest after a few months. It's hard for me to have a long term relationship with anyone. I get jealous easily and I can be very one sided. I've got my eyes set on someone at the moment. I'm going to see a therapist soon. I know I can love I just have problems. I need to learn to empathize with others and be more dedicated.
load more comments
(4 replies)
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2024
43 points (93.9% liked)
Ask Me Anything
2 readers
12 users here now
Ask Me Anything (AMA) Community Rules and Guidelines
This is the lemmy.ca AmA.
Welcome to the Ask Me Anything (AMA) community! This is a space where individuals from various backgrounds come together to engage in open and informative discussions. To ensure a respectful, enjoyable, and inclusive experience for everyone involved, we have established the following rules and guidelines:
-
Be Civil and Respectful:
- Treat all participants with respect, regardless of their background, expertise, or opinions. Personal attacks, insults, or derogatory language will not be tolerated.
- Engage in constructive conversations, even if you disagree with the person answering the questions. Focus on addressing their responses or providing alternative viewpoints without resorting to hostility.
- Remember that the participants are sharing their knowledge and experiences voluntarily. Appreciate their time and effort.
-
Practice Politeness and Courtesy:
- Use polite and considerate language when asking questions or engaging in discussions.
- Be patient and understanding if the person answering takes time to respond. They may receive a high volume of questions.
- Avoid spamming or repeating the same question multiple times. Give others a chance to ask their questions as well.
-Use NSFW and trigger warning TW in brackets if you talk about sensitive subject.
-
Respect Boundaries and Privacy:
- Do not ask personal or invasive questions unless the participant explicitly invites such queries.
- If a participant declines to answer a question or requests to move on from a topic, respect their boundaries without pressuring them for a response.
- Avoid sharing personal information or disclosing sensitive details about yourself or others.
-
Be Inclusive and Stand Against Discrimination:
- Respect diverse perspectives and backgrounds. Discrimination, including racism, homophobia, and transphobia, will not be tolerated.
- Foster an environment that welcomes individuals of all races, genders, sexual orientations, religions, and identities.
- Be mindful of your language and the potential impact it may have on others. Avoid offensive slurs or derogatory terms.
-
Avoid Spam and Irrelevant Questions:
- Ensure your questions are relevant to the participant's expertise or field of knowledge.
- Avoid posting low-quality or repetitive questions that add little value to the discussion.
- Respect the purpose of the AMA and avoid using it solely for self-promotion or advertising.
-
Engage in Meaningful Discussions:
- Prioritize thought-provoking and insightful questions that foster engaging conversations.
- Be open to different perspectives and use the AMA as an opportunity to learn and broaden your understanding.
- Jokes are allowed as long as they are respectful, appropriate, and do not target or marginalize specific individuals or groups. -If you are sarcastic, we recommend to use /s to be sure there is no confusion about your intention. Fake sarcasm will be found.
Remember, these rules and guidelines are in place to ensure a positive and informative environment for all participants. Failure to comply may result in 3 strikes warnings, temporary restrictions, or permanent bans at the discretion of the moderators.
in the future, a mod check and balance system might be implemented . Subject to change : [You might appeal your ban by contacting a special appointed moderator to judge if the ban was abusive.
Special appointed mod can create jury like conversation with randomly chosen users with jury votes to decide if bans are legit or not.]
Thank you for being a part of the Ask Me Anything (AMA) community. Let's engage in enlightening discussions, share knowledge, and create an inclusive space that values respect and diversity!
Friendly communities :
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS