293
Anon tries to be Bam Bam Bigelow
(sh.itjust.works)
Man... kids are indestructible
Kids bones are much more flexible than adult bones. They get harder with age. So a child can withstand much more stuff without breaking a bone than an adult.
I wish that were true for me. I broke my arms 3 times as a kid lmao.
"We are out of Bort license plates!"
What they wanted to say is that kids' bones are more bendable, but they cannot take the same force than an adult's bone. It is a benefit in some situations and a detriment in others. Maybe the flexibility was anon's dumb luck in that case.
Optimised for the mines.
And operating the autolooms
Kids bounce.
When I was 10ish, and thus a moron, we found some paving stones, and being morons, decided that breaking them is cool.
So we throw them up into the air, and watch them shatter. My uncoordinated ass throws it up, and it lands smack on the top of my head. Got me a big concussion and permanent spinal damage, leading to my having periodic debilitating neck and shoulder pains basically till I was 22ish and the doctor prescribed weightlifting in addition to muscle relaxants.
On the down side, damaged spine. On the upside, great motivation to consistently hit the gym, haven't had neck pains in over a decade! On the down side, no cute clothes for girls who do upper body day.
Just embrace being a muscle mommy
I got to believe sometimes in that theory that when we should've died, our consciousness escapes to a parallel reality.
I have had too many close calls. Statistically, I probably shouldn't be alive.
This one time my motorbikes front brake seized up as I slowed down to an intersection. I was thrown off my bike and landed as the lane cleared.
Then the time I worked as a glazier and this dipshit dropped a giant pane of glass on his toe, which snapped in half and almost decapitated me.
Then another time I was a half-second away from being t-boned on my drivers side door by someone doing 80km/h, thank you videogames for training my spacial awareness and reaction time.
IIRC, it was Neal Stephenson's Anathem that had a similar line of thought. It was something to the effect of your consciousness warping to a parallel reality at the moment of death, provided there was a reality where you were still alive.
Quote from "dead like me" "Death is kind of like sex in high school. If you knew how many times you missed having it, you'd be paralyzed."
"If I knew how many times I missed having dead in high school, I'd be paralyzed"
Well landing on a trampoline versus landing on basically anything else is a big difference. If I haven't landed on my head half a dozen times while in the trampoline, then I haven't landed on my head at all.
I mean, your neck doesn't handle the rebound like your legs do. btdt
Yeah but as the trampoline slows your fall, you probably won't stay perfectly balanced on your neck, so the rebound won't push your head directly into your neck with all of the energy. You don't get that effect without something giving as you land. Better it be a trampoline then your neck.
I once tried a shooting star press on a trampoline. My friends said my head grazed the trampoline as I did it. I was about an inch away from being paralyzed.
Hey, same. I was purposely flipping slowly to basically land in a belly flop. Didn't get high enough and I swear it felt like my nose was smashed into my sternum. Had some back issues afterwards but nothing too serious. Also managed to front flip over my handlebars while not wearing a helmet and walk away with a fractured arm.
Needless to say I don't do that shit anymore.
Goddamn! I did the same thing! I still think that my occasional stiff necks and issues with my traps are related to it. I can't even remember how many 'near-paralyzations' my friend group had on our trampoline.
I had attempted a back flip off a kicker ramp propped up on the curb (into grass, it was to learn how, lol)
Anyway, I go UP, flip and land halfway over with my head contacting the curb.
It gave me a concussion, and took a chunk out of my helmet. I would have been dead most likely if I didn't wear a helmet.
I just dragged the ramp in, and went to lay down with my skates still on. I don't remember much after that.
I think the two-dollar term in children's programming is "non-repeatable violence." Works on kinda the same level as actionable threats. If an idiot child could do what a character did... you're not supposed to show that. Their little brother won't fare as well as the cartoon fox that just took a baseball bat to the dome.
On the other hand, little Timmy, age 9, presumably does not have access to a bandsaw.
reelatable contemnt
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2024
293 points (95.6% liked)
Greentext
4412 readers
1128 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS