yet public policy and social institutions often prevent them from being the dads they want to be
This is what I struggle with. Anytime I do something in public with my daughter, without my wife, I get awkward looks. It doesn't bring me down or stop me from spending time with my daughter but like...wtf? What would you have me do? Deny my daughter a trip to the park because Mom isn't available to go?
It's getting better each year, as more dads are more involved in their families. Had a conversation at work not too long ago where a gen X guy thought it was weird that a millennial dad wouldn't go to the bar after work because he wanted to spend time with his kid. The gen X guy looked around at the rest of us as if millennial dad was crazy, but he finally realized that he was the odd one out.
I got told off I overcuddle my daughter because I pick her up from kindergarten twice a week (and I drop her off every day).
I can't wrap my head around the logic.
The logic is men who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection threatens their fragile sense of masculinity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a financial provider, which feeds into their fears of what they've missed, so they ridicule and insult as a defense mechanism. Or something.
That would explain the reaction from men but not similar reactions from women, which are even more common in my experience.
The logic is women who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection by men threatens their fragile sense of femininity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a nurturer.
This makes sense and kind of echoes what the other commenter was saying. People have internalized norms/societal expectations and any deviation from it caused dissonance. People really do just look for any way to "other" others.
Can't say I can relate--in my experience, women have been the ones who either think nothing of it or approve more (though it can border on infantalizing). But I've known some women who internalized the mysogyny they grew up in, and anything departing from "traditional" (i.e., toxic) masculinity in men threatens their worldview.
Our worldview is a bit like our gums--forms at an early age, and if we don't regularly "floss" (challenging ourselves with growth and listening to differing perspectives), any challenge causes pain and discomfort. Flossing, like growing a worldview, isn't pleasant at first, but we're much healthier for it.
This is when you wear that WORLD'S BEST DAD T-shirt you got for Father's Day. If you don't have one, go to your daughter right now with a blank tee and some fabric paint, and don't forget to help her hotglue some sequins and jewels!
I'm cracking up at your response because I literally bought myself this shirt out of spite 😂
Cool but needs more sequins
I wonder if part of it is because more parents are parents because they chose to be. There are a lot of stories from older people where they became adults because they became parents, creating a lot of resentment.
Is this true? Purely anecdotal, but none of the people I know in my age range had children on purpose. Most of them were an "Oops, guess we should get married then..." and THANKFULLY most of those are good parents and their marriages seem to be working out.
Not that this is a bad thing when it works out anyway.
Anecdotally, my friend groups and family were the opposite. I even know some friends has abortions because they weren't in the right place to have a child.
But if you look at the statistics, parents are having their first child later in life. There are also a lot more childless adults.
I spend more time with my kids because I don't want them to live what I went through and it's probably the same for many men.
You are probably right that today, people ask themselves if they want kids, and why or why not. While our parents had more pressure to follow that life style, and our grand-parents had a priest coming to their home to tell them it was time to make another baby.
Back in 1982, a whopping 43% of fathers admitted they’d never changed a diaper. In recent years, that number went down to about 3%
well damn
One of my neighbors likes to brag that he's never changed his kid's diaper. It's not impressive like he thinks it is.
Fuck yeah, love my kids.
Hell yeah, maximum parenting 💪 barely saw my dad when I was a kid, always away on business. I work 100% remote since my first kid was born, get to spend all day every day with my kids now, never going back.
That makes them PUSSIES!
-Family Values Christ Loving Republicans.
"Children should be neither seen, nor heard"
Ugh, that was all I ever heard from my boomer parents
And the parents then wonder why they never hear from their kids and see them only ocassionally when they grow up.
What I heard from my mom all the time was "I'm not your frined!" and now she wonders why I don't want to hang out or just casually call.
I love spending time with my kids. Gonna get all the cuddles I can in before they grow out of that stage.
My daughter says she wants to marry me. 🥰
I told her it’s not possible and she was pretty sad, so I told her she needs to find someone who loves her and treasures her as much as dad does (a very tall order). If the person she likes doesn’t live up to those standards then they’re not the right person for her and move on.
I did have to lay down the law pretty firmly to my no wife no kids coworkers who love to live at the office. Family always takes priority over work crap.
like daddit for the fediverse but we all eat pizza with ranch and say "ope" a lot. all dads and non-dads are welcome. ranch on pizza is recommended but not required. ope is mandatory.