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this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2024
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Maybe we're not talking about quite the same thing, or I communicated badly?
There was a forum I liked and used every day, but then for reasons that aren't important I decided to not use it anymore. For weeks I still thought about the site and would accidentally start typing the URL sometimes. But I'd committed to leaving, so I left.
It sucked but it wasn't hard in the same way that running a mile or doing calculus is hard.
Or like when a family member was a huge asshole I really wanted to just let them have it. But I didn't, because that would've made things worse. But I guess I understand how you might decide to just let loose there.
So I guess I do understand it better than my previous post.
Maybe the problem for me is not really getting it when it's about, like, doing the dishes. Or going to work on time. Things that seem so easy to me they don't even register as a self control check.
Well, that's the difference. At different points in my life I've had varying levels of self-control. You have a higher bar than I do right now for what requires a self-control check.
My username is what it is for a reason. I don't think being on a site like this improves my health or mentality in any way, yet here I am. I still go on Reddit on a desktop when I'm working almost out of habit, even though I'm kicking myself mentally the whole time I'm scrolling. I wake up, say "30 more minutes" to myself knowing full well that will make me start work later, less prepared, hungry, and unshowered and I'll have to work later into the night (when I work from home). I watch YouTube until 1 am or later most nights because I don't want to sleep even though I'm tired and I know it will make my day miserable tomorrow. Dishes are piling up because I say I'll get to it later.
People have different thresholds for this and at other times in my life I could just shut off many of these urges. Right now, because of my mental health, that ability for self control is near zero. Just think of that push-back you get when you say to yourself you're going to go for a run and imagine that push-back to be stronger and applied to literally anything that requires effort or mental presence.