this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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The Onion misses (www.theonion.com)
submitted 5 months ago by Wertheimer@hexbear.net to c/the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net
54 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

SHANGHAI—In an offer promoted heavily on banner ads across the internet, Chinese e-commerce platform Temu began selling Uyghur Muslims for $1.49 each this week. “The special price available during this lightning deal will lower the barrier to Uyghur ownership for consumers everywhere,” a Temu spokesperson told reporters, confirming that more than 100,000 of the subjugated ethnic and religious minorities from the Xinjiang region had been sold so far on the discount marketplace. “You won’t find prices on forced laborers this low anywhere else. When we tell our customers to ‘shop like a billionaire,’ we mean it.” Approximately 90% of Temu users reached for comment complained that the Uyghur laborers they had purchased arrived in such damaged condition that they no longer worked.

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[–] FunkyStuff@hexbear.net 64 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Hate to say it, but most Onion articles are this unfunny. The headlines tend to be the only funny part, the body of the article tends to just repeat the joke. Their old videos were much better, IDK if it's the same writers but the articles are far less humorous.

[–] egg1918@hexbear.net 45 points 5 months ago

Oh yeah those old onion videos are fantastic. The one about the military existing to protect America's gays always gets me

[–] UmbraVivi@hexbear.net 28 points 5 months ago

Can't blame them too much. Nobody reads the articles, it's all about headlines. I wouldn't be giving it my a-game either.

[–] Sephitard9001@hexbear.net 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

There are two that I remember making me laugh pretty hard but I was still in school back then so I probably had a much higher tolerance for low effort crude humor. One about the Secretary of Interior punching a buffalo in the mouth and the other one about Haiti hosting the 2216 Olympic Games (a lot less funny now that I'm older and know why Haiti is poor). You're right that the joke is invariably just rewording the headline over and over but sometimes that just works.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 5 months ago

Ever seen The Onion Movie? It’s classic oldschool onion and I loved it.