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this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
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I was on a packed commuter train once and in the silence this conversation happened
Seated guy (loudly): Are you pregnant?
Standing woman: Sorry?
Sg: I said are you pregnant?
Sw: No
Sg: Oh okay
The second hand cringey embarrassment of that interaction has stayed with me for about 25 years
Maybe someone on the spectrum wondering if they should give up their seat?
I think it was done with the very best of intentions, what it taught me is that you should either just go ahead and give up your seat or hang on to it, it's the asking that makes things worse.
London transport introduced the little "baby on board" badges shortly after this, which simplified matters hugely.
Alternatively, simply asking if someone would like your seat or if they'd like to sit down works wonders. If they need it, they'll accept. The question of whether they're pregnant doesn't actually matter, it's whether they'd like to sit down that's important. Bonus, this works for the old or infirm as well!
I wish that were the case. I'm chronically ill and there are times that I really can't stand for long periods as I get frail. I don't look typically ill as I'm relatively young (27) and at look I look healthy but my illness is internal and bowel related so I'm not going to look disabled or infirm unless things have been really bad and I've lost a dramatic amount of weight. Basically what I'm trying to say is that there are those of us who are ill who don't match most people's idea of illness and so won't be asked despite some of us really needing a seat some days.
Sorry, are you suggesting that able-bodied people never take a seat, or that we always ask if someone would like to sit even if they don't look ill? I hope you realise why neither of those are practical. It is reasonable that an able-bodied person with a seat should ask if someone who looks like they need it if they want to sit instead; but if your illness is invisible, it's also reasonable to expect that if you need a seat you'll ask. It's not reasonable to expect me to know you have an illness and to offer my seat if you're not outwardly ill, though.
I suspect you may be thinking of people refusing to give up their seat when you ask, because you don't look ill. Those people are jerks and that reaction is bad, but they are not what I'm talking about here. We're discussing the best way to ask if someone needs a seat, without offending by assuming the reason they might need one.
As an Uber driver I often drive elderly people with walkers and whatnot.
I just ask them “Would you like a hand?”
I now know what radiation poisoning feels like