Yeah, I can use etched reticles like the Trijicon Credo 1-6 lpvo, but I seem to have issues with almost every other type of illuminated optic I try. Eotechs look like barbed wire to me even if I look "through" the sight like you're supposed to, and regular red dots have an annoying starburst halo that obscures the target (I mean, it'd be serviceable for home defense distances, but it sucks).

Yeah, a dot will 100% make that easier for you (and for me too, but the starburst sucks). For me I just dryfire train and practice with my irons, I find using my finger to point at the target helps train acquisition and then it gives me the opportunity to practice fast transitions between "finger high on the slide/frame" to firing. I don't like bringing my gun up to target with my finger already on the trigger anyway, because of the possibility of an ND, so it works out.