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this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2024
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Cop, "Your Honor, the sandwich is a known lethal weapon, given its track record of choking hazard. Just last week, Joey down at the station, was working OT and eating his favorite meatball sub. That could have been the last time I saw Joey... So, when I saw the sandwich, I immediately recognized the danger and risked my life to control the situation."
"He had multiple sandwiches so he was clearly a threat to others as well as to himself. I'm so grateful that I was there to prevent anyone else from getting hurt."
Clear intent for distribution. And where did he get those keys? From Al-queda? Possibly. There's no way to know at the time. It was all very suspicious.
And when I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him, he started running. Clearly he had a guilty conscience, why else would you run?
The sandwiches were subs, they could have surfaced and started launching nuclear missiles at any moment.