This took place in the mid-90s.

I had just had a major loss of confidence after finding out my then-GF (also my first… so double whammy) was only with me because I was her “security blanket” while she waited for her childhood friend from three provinces over to get his metaphorical shit together. Found the two of them naked in bed together the very morning after he arrived. So yeah, not in my right mind.

A few weeks later my cousin came visiting from Germany, and had never been in a North American nightclub. So my mom kicked me out of the house to show her the local dives. We had left early, like 2130hrs, because my mom didn’t understand that it was a Wednesday and things didn’t start thumping until at least 2230hrs or even 2330hrs.

We get there, and only two other people were there, a pair of girls celebrating a birthday. They were there completely by accident, they nearly didn’t go because of how early it was. And because I was with a smoking hot girl (objectively yes, even though I had no interest), the two of them felt safe enough to join us for some conversation.

One of them was this homely but absolutely adorkably cute and awkward Chinese girl. We exchanged numbers, me honestly thinking nothing was going to come of it. Decided to do a seven-day wait before I called her, but she beat me to the punch by asking me out for coffee on day four. I didn’t even like coffee! Even now, the stuff tastes like industrial waste unless I add it to my cream and sugar. Of course I said yes.

Nearly three decades later, we are still together. Now granted, my mind was still fucked for a while after. Hell, it took me nearly a decade before I felt safe enough to pop the question. But even in my fucked-up state, she still saw something of worth in me. What it was I cannot imagine, but I thank the absolutely random and statistically extreme series of events that brought us together. She and I would have normally never met, we were in completely different social circles.

TL;DR: met my wife in the most clichéd place imaginable: in a nightclub.