Don't judge me.

Don't you dare fucking judge me you fucking removed commie schmuck

Gooning is masculine. It's masculinity in pure form. It's a man getting together with himself to be a man. To embrace being a white male in a way our feminist-woke dominated society won't allow. What does it mean to be male? The penis. It's about worshipping your cock as a source of your own masculine pride.

I first invented gooning in 2007 after a debate with John Stewart. He tore me apart, I was ready to punch him on stage and unleash all of my rage. It turned me on so much. During the commercial break I went to the green room to jerk off harder than I ever did before. No hand lotion I was ready to rip my cock off why imaging Mrs Sean Hannity and her boozankers, good lord they were like expired watermelons filled with watery mustard. So hot. Every green room in major network studios has a stack of playboys inside, for the men yes, but mostly to let female anchors and guest know they aren't respect.

I keep glue sticks on my self to munch on when I need a quick snack so I tore out every page of the playboys and glued them all over the walls, ceiling, and floor. Every single square inch filled with hottest women of the early 70s. Coincidently this was also the first time I had ever jerked off but I figured it out quick. It was like I was traveling through the end scene of 2001: A Space Odyssey (don't watch btw its too woke). Stars had filled my brain, literal stars, not just visions of bright lights but energy masses 10,000,000 times the size of Earth burning at 25,000 times the intensity of our dying sun were contained in my brain, I could see colors that God couldn't see. (Catholic God btw IDK if Mormon God could see anything different). I was there for hours, days, weeks, I hadn't eaten or drank anything for a millennium. I didn't feel the need to after a few centuries.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my door, and John Stewart had walked inside. "Hey pal how are you you doing? Why do you have the lights turned off?" I was sitting in complete darkness in the green room. There were no stars, no gods, even no playboys. Just my glue stick and a broken light bulb. "I'm doing fine, John, just fine. Let's get back to our desk before the commercial ends".