I graduated with a bachelors in computer science around 4 years ago. Long story short, I was depressed, dysphoric, and suicidal throughout my college years and by the time I finished I didn’t want to do anything. I’ve been unemployed for the last 4 years but I’ve also transitioned, started taking better care of myself, and overall I feel much better.
Anyways, I need to get a job now. What kind of lies can I get away with on my resume to cover up the long period of unemployment? Should I pretend I started some sort of company and it failed? Pretend like I went on some backpacking journey in a foreign country? Do companies even check all this stuff?
I did do an internship at a big tech company several years ago, and I’m working on personal software projects so I can put that on my resume. Also, I’m in Amerikkka.
Sorry if this question has been asked here before 
I think lying about your skills can put you in some hot water that makes it hard to be successful in your job. There's every chance they have no idea what they need or downplay the workload required to do a task so it's bullshit all the way down and they get what they deserve. But getting put on a task or a complicated piece of equipment without knowing what it does is a frustrating place to be. "Hey comrade, we need you to go to Turkey and speak to our Japanese client about their MRI malfunction :)"
if you are going to lie about speaking a language you only know three phrases in then no amount of advice here is going to help you
I was trying to do hyperbole - perchance make you laugh while illustrating a point. You've also probably embellished a lot to get highered on to repair million dollar medical equipment internationally as well.