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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)

submitted 11 months ago by Goronmon@lemmy.world to c/games@lemmy.world

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[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 57 points 11 months ago

*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

[-] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 43 points 11 months ago

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 37 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

[-] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 20 points 11 months ago

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

“Bailiff, seize him.”

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

[-] Omniraptor@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago

This is how we win

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago

Lmao this is great

[-] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 37 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.