Basic plumbing skills

Know how to shut off a water line. Those knobs under your sink and behind the toilet? That's your water shut off for that line. Got a toilet that's about to overflow? Close the line in back quick enough and you won't have to mop the floor. Or ruin your neighbors ceiling.

Know how to clear a clog. Know the difference between a sink plunger and toilet plunger. Sink plungers are those short deals and terrible for just about anything, their surface coverage is awful and they're usually too shallow to push a serious clog. You want a flanged or accordion plunger for toilets. They make the best deal and do a lot do the work for you. A larger suction cup plunger, looks like the big boy version of the sink plunger, for sink drains.

For toilets, make a firm seal around the drain, push down once to clear the air out of the cup, make sure your seal is strong, then give several short, quick, full pumps like you're performing CPR. This will usually clear a paper clog. Repeat if it doesn't clear. It almost always will after a few tries. If your other drains back up when you're pumping, you have a main clog. It's time to call a plumber.

If your kitchen sink clogs, start by running hot water in the line with a little dawn soap. Most sink clogs are fat based, so hot water will help to loosen them by melting them a bit. Drain-o or other line clearer might work, but in my experience, if you don't clear the clog, you now have a caustic chemical sitting in the line. The chemical burn scars on my right hand say that's bad, and Tyler Durden agrees. If you haven't cleared the clog, let it sit a bit and then get back to it. I've fought shower clogs for an hour before, but if I don't see signs the clog is breaking up, it's time to give up and get a professional in to snake it.

Also, when clearing a clog, don't keep your mouth open! In fact, pucker your lips in. Trust me, speaking from experience.

Leaky faucet? Usually a 10¢ rubber washer, they only last about 10 years before they start to rot. Try to salvage the washer, bring it to your local hardware store, preferably plumbing supply, and ask someone to size it, otherwise bring the fixture. Toilet running nonstop? Adjust the chain or replace the flapper, again rubber parts only last about 10 years. A universal flapper will cost about $10. They usually just snap right in to place. Toilet base leaking? Replace the wax seal. They cost $5. Shower head clogged? Usually calcium or mold buildup. CLR for calcium, bleach for mold, and a scrub brush. Shower head joint leaking or spraying, remove it and apply plumbers tape, also called Teflon tape, to the threading, costs $1 a roll. In fact, apply it to any threaded plumbing joint you have to unscrew... It's necessary for making watertight seals.

That's like every basic water line in your house right there. If I could learn to do it as a teenage apprentice so many years ago, anyone can. If you're not sure, Google has guides and visual breakdowns for every fixture and how to take them apart now. Just be careful not to strip threads or screws. Knowing how to service these parts could save you hundreds or thousands of dollars over the years.

Lastly, don't flush spaghetti and meatballs down the toilet... Yes, that's a thing.