I met this woman on a dating app who was 10 years older than me and she asked me if I wanted to hang out at her place at 12:30am. Being a 20 year old I was like “fuck yeah”. I was also dumb and legitimately thought she wanted to jam and play guitar.

She pulls a litre bottle of cheap white wine and I’m slowly thinking “maybe she doesn’t want to play guitar?”. She then pulls out a big freezer bag of weed and asks if I want some.

I tell her I’ve actually never ever had it before and her face lit up and she was all “I am getting you SO STONED”. I’ve got my best game face on and I’m feeling open minded. She’s hot after all and she’s older so maybe I must be doing something right?

Fast forward to me absolutely choking and dying off the smoke, I start to get high for the first time in my life. I start to panic because I’m afraid I’ll always be like this and I end up saying some really dumb awkward shit in an effort to get her to like me. I tell her I like July Talk’s “old stuff” better than what she had just played me.

Turns out it’s their first ever album and I look like one of those snobs writing reviews for Pitchfork. She realizes she’s with a dumb boy who isn’t being honest and tells me she’s gotta go to bed.

I walk my dumbass home (like 45 minutes of walking) and eat an entire box of grocery store chocolate cookies and hope I don’t get addicted.

Anyways that was over a decade ago and I’m about to have some weed :)