All of those issues are covered by other devices that most people will already have. An XBox360/PS3 or any newer gaming system can output 4k and make the smart features in the TV unnecessary. The same is true of a cable box, Roku plugin, fire stick, or any other streaming device. All the TV really needs is to display the 4k signal it receives. TVs don't even really need receivers anymore just a USB hub, a processor for video and audio output, and a screen.

I was happy with the quality, and don't get more enjoyment from all the advancements since, but only ever remember plugging it into the wall, plugging an aerial into the back of it & pressing one button to get the tuner to pick up channels. Batteries into the remote once that became a thing. Plug in a VCR or DVD player once they appeared.

No need for a phone line or internet or updates.

I was fine with the quality of old TVs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And no thank you, I'm not going to do all that. I don't care enough about any shows to go through all that hassle. I just want my TV to work without extra expense, and I will complain when it doesn't because I hate big corporations and I want them to fail.

I would prefer analog TV, honestly. At least then a partial signal is something.

625i@50fps blobby

The comparison between CRT and digital is not as simple as "625 vs 4k". Those analog signals were intended for a triangular subpixel shadow mask with no concept of horizontal pixel count, making them effectively into ∞×625i@50fps signals (1), compared to the digital fixed 3840×2160@60fps square pixels regardless of subpixel arrangement.

It takes about a 6x6 square pixel block to correctly represent a triangular subpixel mask, making 4K LCDs about the minimum required to properly view those 625i@50fps signals.

(1) I'm aware of optics limitations, CoC, quantum effects, and ground TV carrier band limitations, but still.