this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2026
36 points (89.1% liked)
Asklemmy
55767 readers
262 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 7 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
They're incredibly arbitrary. Each of them can just be collapsed into "acts of service" an act of service can be a gift, quality time is something that happens alongside the others (and is also something that can be described as a gift) and physical touch is (or should be) quality time.
It was made up by an american pastor to gaslight women, it doesn't have any basis beyond what he felt like. He made up arbitrary categories that would help him sell his spiel about women listening to men.
Ive made a new category; Being nice. It takes all the other categories. The love languages are now: Being nice.
Gaslighting women LOL. It is not gender biased--meaning trying tobsway women to be subservient and men dominant.. Its irrelevant who set it up, that's a fallicious arugment. But since you brought it up it does have basis on the hierarchy of human needs from psychology papers.
Categorization involves finding the limits that determine a category, you could probably break it into a 100 or more, but then you add complexity for no reason, these are distilled to the most base set.
If you don't want to like it because of a pastor you can get a similar scooe with Ortan-Gilingham method since it was backed by science research not just anecdotes from those tested.
I disagree it all boils to acts of service. For example I score high on Physical touch, but it doesn't require an act of service like a back massage, just lying next to my wife with our skin touching is enough to keep my tank full. She could be asleep so there is 0 act of service. It a basic human skin to skin thing like when they say babies (and chimp studies) should have skin to skin contact with mom.
But buy me a gift or do something for me has no tank filling properties. Its nice but, meh