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What’s your love language? (lemmy.zip)

submitted 3 days ago by BlackSnack@lemmy.zip to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m pretty sure there are only 5 love languages. But if there are more I’m unaware of please let me know. I’ve listed mine below from most important to least.

1 physical touch 2 quality time 3 words of affirmation 4 acts of service 5 gift giving

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[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 54 points 3 days ago (5 children)

The original 5 love languages schtick was created by a Christian pastor, with no background in psychiatry or psychology, in order to pressure wives to give their husbands sex because the husbands love language was physical touch.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Wow, that explains so much, actually...

The shitty thing is that actual psychology doesn't have an audience, because it never gives simple, neat categories you can sort yourself into.

[–] cRazi_man@europe.pub 21 points 3 days ago

Oh dang, I thought this was social media lingo like "trauma dumping". The guy wrote a book and the wikipedia entry brutally points out right in the introduction that there's no evidence for any of this.

"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 nonfiction book by Baptist pastor Gary Chapman. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". Empirical evidence does not strongly support its core claims."

[–] explore_broaden@midwest.social 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Do you have a source for the fact that pressuring wives was the goal/an effect? I want to believe it since it sounds like the kind of thing that would happen but a quick search didn’t really turn anything up.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 days ago

From the book itself:

An example of this is Chapman’s story about a woman named Ann, who has a husband described as extremely emotionally abusive. Their conversation starts with Ann asking Chapman if it is possible to love someone you hate (girl, RUN). Chapman responds by making Ann read bible passages about loving your enemies. After learning that Ann’s husband’s love language is sexual physical touch, Chapman tells the poor woman that to save her marriage, she has to sleep with her horrible husband twice a week. Ann replies that she finds it “hard to be sexually responsive” to someone who “ignores her”–to which Chapman responds that many women feel that way, and she must simply rely on her Christian faith to get through it. Chapman wraps up this lovely anecdote by saying that Ann took his advice and that there was a tremendous change in her husband’s attitude, with the husband swearing to his friends that Chapman is a miracle worker. We don’t hear how Ann felt about it.

Source

[–] multifariace@lemmy.world 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I guess I'll have to go back to the highly credited work of Steve Harvey for relationship advice.